Where was I?

I was a good girl and went to the Gym on Friday.
treadmill 20 min 2.5 mph 1.5 incline

Saturday, however, I took Hubby! 🙂 I did 10 min on the bike at lvl 5 on manual, then I did 22 min on tread mill 2.5 mph 1.5 incline. He did about 10 min on the bike and some upper body work on the machines and one leg exercise on the machines. Then we went to a double feature: Ty Burrell in Muppets2 as the Interpol Inspector (played as a Clousseau character) and then as Mr. Peabody in Sherman and Mr. Peabody. Arranged another piece of music for the brass.

Sunday, went to church and learned of the 3 stages of Jihad. I didn’t know they did theater! Came home and watched the Croods and had pizza (bad bad mommy!) then went back to doing arrangement. Went to practice only to discover that the arrangement I made, though in the same key as the YouTube versions, was 1 step higher than the band was playing it. Now I can’t transpose it down on my program. Puts the baritone in a completely different starting point than the score. Score is in A, Baritone is in D? Should be in B. Don’t Come easy came off ok. We even tried Play that Funky Music and God Bless the USA (which I hate.) Do I get aerobic credit for carrying 3 horns one block and up a flight of stairs? Got home in time to do conference call and watch Amazing Race.

of high points and low points

Tuesday I frittered away all the time I had allotted, and didn’t go to the gym.  MASSIVE guilt…well I should have had some.  I just chalked it up to another failure.  Then I stood and played for 3 hours for the returning Korean Honor flight and got back home about 2:30 AM.  

Wednesday I don’t go to the gym.  I leave the house at 9 am and get home at 9 pm.  BUT NO!!!   My 10 o’clock cancelled, then my 11:30 cancelled.  My 1 o’clock said she couldn’t do her lesson either, then I got notified that my 2 o’clock had also cancelled.  hmmmm.  PLENTY of time to go to the gym.  I slid in a little bit between my 4:00 and my 7:00 lessons.  20 min on treadmill.  Huffing and Puffing the whole time. 

Thursday.  It’s weigh day.  I regretfully got on the scale, knowing that I shouldn’t be upset for the 1st couple of months (years?) because all that fat is turning to muscle… right.  Boy 20-30 min of walking will make you a body builder in about 200 years.  A new high.  A new low.  213.5 pounds.  I now weigh 50 pounds more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant.  New low?  I’m disgusted, I’m mad and I’m frustrated.  I start focusing on all the failures I’ve had, not in just weight mind you, but all of them.  The wrong attitude in school, the wrong humor, the bad choices (should have joined girl scouts in 3rd grade), the mediocre grades, the fact that I sight read most of my lessons and if I’d practiced, I might have actually been a good musician, but I didn’t.  Should have been a math/business major instead of music, and then I wouldn’t have had to transfer my sophomore year.  Should have used all the old cruddy books they had for music classes, shouldn’t have expected them to sing in 4 parts or in foreign languages.  Should not have demanded they play more difficult music.  Wouldn’t have gotten fired all those times. Shouldn’t have thought I was smarter or better than anyone at anything, because the evidence indicates the contrary.  Shouldn’t have tried treasurer position for Toastmasters because it’s NOT just putting numbers in boxes.  Shouldn’t have gained all this weight in the 1st place.  You can’t have 2nds just because you like the food.  If you’re not hungry, don’t eat, stupid!  Should have realized that just taking leadership classes doesn’t make you a leader.  I was a terrible parent, spent most of my time with the kids yelling and crying.  Great example.  The girls survived, but probably won’t ever be like normal people.  and the boys are all depressed and not even trying to do what they truly could be good at because they might fail.  So I failed my God, my family, and my church, and all the students I worked with, and  and my business.  Being loud and annoying doesn’t endear you to anyone.  You don’t have the deepest thoughts.  Your opinion doesn’t matter.  Now I’m in tears and making stupid mistakes.  But I have to teach my 5:00 violinist, and then rush down and judge a contest.  Don’t depress the 5 year old, and smile at all the club members.  Put that “everything-is-fine” face on and get it over with. 

Most people would say, “ya, but then you gotta think about all your successes!”  There aren’t any.  What?  You were the 1st person in history of Morningside College to test out of both semesters of “ear training.”  Oh yeah?  prove it. My transcript says I dropped the class. And what good is that anyway.  What a ridiculous thing to be good at!  You can play every instrument in band/orchestra/guitar/piano/voice…  Once a gain, what a truly useless thing to be good at.  I don’t play them very well.  I have all sorts of financial designations.  Which means I’m really good at taking tests.  Stupid thing to be good at.  I apparently am good at things that don’t matter.

Now is when my reader throws up her hands and says, “wow, what a crappy attitude!  No wonder you are having trouble!  I’m going to read something inspirational and happy.”

My back was cramping up on the treadmill

20 min treadmill 2.3mph 1.5 incline

Weight 213.5

Why?

I thought if I had a blog, then any progress I made, I could look back and see and encourage myself.

I was wrong.

Having a blog is stupid.  I just post to all the world (the 1 person besides me that reads this) how I fail day after day after day.  I am NOT encouraged.  Walking or doing the elliptical or the stationary bike at a harder level and a longer period of time has negative results that are measureable…not positive.  Since starting this ridiculous project–eating more home cooked meals, smaller portions, controlled intake of sugar, white flour, and salt, and doing aerobic exercise, I have gained about 1 pound/week.  I am constantly tired, and have slept through meetings, appointments, conference calls and the like.  I still can’t get up off the couch without a good push, and God help me if I ever drop something on the floor.  I will continue to go to the gym, and to eat better, but I’m not going to weigh myself, or blog about my experiences, because ANYONE ELSE in the world that is doing what I’m doing is losing weight and feeling better.  Obi wins.  I concede.

This is my last post.

Well, I thought it would be my last post… I got a petition from all my reader pleading me to continue this silly thing.
Treadmill 30 min 2.5 mph 1.5 elevation

Owie

Hppi  Fwidy

Did I mention I chipped a tooth?  Got a call saying, “Come in on Friday, 8:00 AM, and we’ll get a crown for that.”  So today I went in to get a crown for my poor tooth.  Dentist says, “Huh, that broken one is the one we’re going to crown, not the chipped one.  We’ll have to do that one another time.”  ???  I’d forgotten about that one.  It’s the tooth in the very back on the top.  No, it’s not a wisdom tooth; those were removed a long time ago.  It’s half missing!  Needed to get that one crowned before it chipped or broke below the gum line.  Oh.  *sigh*

They did a temporary filling on the chipped one and ground the back one down (oh yes, that was fun) and my crown comes in about April 11.  I even got to pick the color!  I wanted purple, but I had a choice of dirty white or dirty yellow…  Definitely not WHITE as that would blind people, even though there shouldn’t be anyone looking that deeply into my mouth.  Step 1:  deaden mouth.  Step 2: ask interesting questions to this person in the chair with a mouth guard in and no feeling in jaw.  Step 3:  begin torture session on a person that will not feel the pain for 3-4 hours.  CIA wouldn’t be this cruel.  Picture this: “You’ll feel a little pinch.  Now put this in your back teeth even though it tends to dislocate your jaw, but you can’t feel it because your jaw is now numb.  OK, temporary filling in, let’s take out that mouth guard.  Let me look around in here… Good, good, now what instruments do you play?”  rwfeorkfir roteftjeifffff  “Very interesting!  Now we’re going to put this purple goop in your mouth.  Don’t swallow and keep your jaw clenched for 4-5 min.”  Now I start to drool uncontrollably and have this purple goop hardening on my lips and tongue.  Feels like a mouth full of melted gummy bears.  Jaw is starting to cramp, but I don’t know that, jaw is still numb.   He now pulls goop out of mouth.  “Ok, now to grind this tooth down and you will smell burning tooth and old filling. Good, good… now we’re going to put this string between your gum and your tooth to allow for the crown to sit below the gum line.”  wo iththa hobl tase? (translation: what is that horrible taste?!!!!) “Oh, that’s the drying agent.”  ith mayin me rul (It’s making me drool!–not conducive to drying I would think…)  “Remember that purple goop?  We’re going to put that in again, and there ya go, now clench for another 4-5 min.”  KGOR playing in the background.  I’m starting to feel the jaw joint.  It is not pleasant.  I’m also tasting this horrible horrible chemical… imagine burnt vinegar.  Eyes are watering.  Drooling uncontrollably, purple gummy bears hardening in my mouth, and now feeling a bit more in my jaw.  Pulls out the purple goop. It doesn’t all come out.  He take a pick to it, and it pops loose and I catch it with my tongue.  “Ok, I’ll be right back with the temporary crown.”  She loves you Ya, ya, ya…  She’s a Brick—House!!!!  “Here, put the mouth guard back in there, and just fit this thing in there. There now, let me take out the mouth guard, close, does that feel right?” rrr  “Ok, bite down on this and we’ll see if it needs adjusting.  That’s right, bite bite bite.. and grind left and right and front to back.  Good, good, now I’ll take out that crown and adjust some of the sharp edges and take it down a bit.”  zzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz     At least he’s not doing it in my mouth!  “Now lets try it out again.  Bite bite bite… grind grind grind.”  I think he studied at the Dr. Seuss school of Dentistry.  “How does it feel?” ow wd I no?  mth’s nm… (translation:  how would I know, mouth’s numb!)  “Good good… Let’s glue it in there.”  He pops the temporary crown out again and puts more really bad tasting stuff in my mouth, puts the crown in and puts a cotton roll into my mouth.  REAALLLYYY awful taste!  “There!  All done!  Now come back in about 2-3 weeks for the real one.  Don’t floss or eat anything like caramel or popcorn on that side.”  Whew!  Well that wasn’t so bad.

It is now time to go to gym and I did 20 (!!!!) min on the elliptical!  Lvl 4 and then 5 on resistance.  Go to have my 550 cal. breakfast.  Come home to do training on computer and NOW it starts to hurt.  It feels like I got hit on the left side of my face with a horse shoe…repeatedly!  OF COURSE I’LL TELL YOU WHO ELSE WAS IN ON THE CONSPIRACY!  AND THE MAP TO THE SITUATION ROOM IS IN MY SOCK DRAWER!  AND… I VOTED FOR OBAMA!  WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO CONFESS TO, NOOOO PROBLEM!  I NEED SOME MEDS!

Woohoo! Measureable progress!

I did go to the gym as planned.  Today, however, I walked 30 minutes!  *Pats self on back*  I was reading this book, “Good to Great” and when I checked my time, I’d done 30 min.  It’s also weigh day.  :,(  Well, I was exhausted when I got home and figured I’d take a 20 min power nap.  Set the alarm, turned up volume on my reminder on my phone.  I have LOTS of things to do… arrange some music, contact some customers, save the world…  (oops, can’t do that today, cape is in the wash)

2 1/2 hrs. later, I hear my hubby come home.  OH CRAP!!!!  Course he’s not used to me yelling, “Oh, Crap” when he comes home and was taken aback.  My student is about 45 min. west of me and her lesson is at 5, and it is now 5:30.  Had to reschedule.

Tried to do my arrangements, and can’t figure out the key.  My concentration is severely compromised.  Dam Dam Dam!

treadmill 30 min 2.3 mph, 1.5 incline

Weight 211.  It’s NOT SUPPOSED TO GO UP!  Oh yeah, laws of math and calories do not apply to me.  Obie wants 3 slices of stuffed crust meat lovers.  Nya Nya, he’s not going to get it.  He is displeased with me.  I had a 550 cal breakfast and a salad for lunch.

 

Wednesday, I don’t go to the gym; I have lessons all day. 

But today…. My 4 o’clock is on spring break, so no school-no lessons.  I had 3 1/2 hrs. to play with.  I walked down the hill in front of my house.  At the bottom of the hill, I noticed my back getting tight, and rather than walk the rest of the way around the block, I just went back up the hill to home.  It was pretty sore when I got there, but at least I made up for Monday. 🙂

7 min walking outside  2 mph and grade of Straight down and straight up.  (Well it felt like it…)

real walking

When you have a schedule, a real schedule, where you have to clock in at a specific time and do specific work until A) the job is finished or B) the check out time, you tend to focus on what you must do between check in and check out.  I have a list of things I must get done, but sometimes the priorities change.  Sometimes it takes longer than I expect.  Sometimes, I don’t focus on the right stuff.  I did my bible study, I did my accounting and entered in all the numbers and added things up, I had my meeting to discuss variances, I had my 5:30 student, and when did I go to the gym?  I didn’t.  But I didn’t let that get me down.  I went on a walk around my block.  It was 15 min, and a bit more than 1.5 incline going up, and I had to go down hill as well.  15 min.  yup, out in the weather.  uh huh. 
When you’re on a treadmill, and you start to hurt, you can shut it off and go sit down.  You’re never more than 500 ft. from the locker room.  When you’re out walking, and start to hurt, you just hurt.   You can’t turn the sidewalk off.  There’s no place to sit.  And you can’t just stop, you’re not home yet!  I’m hurting on the muscle at the very top of the pelvic bone in the back.  I’m cramping there.  I can’t get off the sidewalk and sit down.  I’m not home yet.  I’ve only gone 3/4 of the way around the block.  It really hurts!  😦

I had one of those green power shakes for lunch, chicken (baked) green beans and coleslaw and tea for dinner

15 min walking outside  1 square block

 

 

This is hard

No, this is easy.  All that is necessary is to schedule a time to go to the gym, and then go.  20 min of activity.  How hard is that?  It’s not.  All that is necessary is to watch what I eat and be sane about what and how much I put in my body. 

The LAW is:  If it’s Easy to Do, it’s Easy NOT to Do.  Well, yeah…

So I slept until 7:45 (slacker) then got up and started getting my 4 game accounts up to date… about 15-20 min.  I started on an analysis; I got the information yesterday.  This took me until noon.  I then played my game for another 20 min.   Then I went and did my brain games for Luminosity so I won’t be a blithering idiot.  I worry about that a lot.  I already blither…

I have a speech to give tonight on Negotiation techniques.  I call my partner in crime, Randy, to help me in the demonstration.  We decide what we’re going to negotiate, and now it’s after 1:00.  I write the intro and do some polishing up on the speech… 2:30.  Ok, now I’ll head to the gym… um, ooh, didn’t do the Sudoku or the jumble yet… I’ll just do that for a little bit…zzzzzzzzzzz.  oh no!  I fell asleep! Is that my new student knocking?

Yes, yes it is she knocking on the door at 3:30, so I will go to the gym after that. She gets done about 5:00.  Hubby comes home.  Hello hubby!  We heat up left overs for dinner, and now it’s time to leave for Toastmasters. 

Bad Mommy!!!!  no gym today.  I’m embarrassed.  Simple plan and I fail at a simple plan.  This is hopeless.  It isn’t going to make any difference anyway.  I feel bigger and more awkward than I did last week, and I’m not losing any, and I’m still wheezing and short of breath.  My clothes are getting tight, and Obi is winning and he knows it.  Why do I try? 

Because the point is to get moving.  It is not to lose 60 lbs in 6 wks; it is not to run a marathon in 1 year; it is not to get into a size 6 or 8; it is to get moving.  Can I move tomorrow?  yes.  So I will move tomorrow.

Happy Pseudo Psaint Pat’s

What do we have on St. Pat’s day?  Corned beef and cabbage, and soda bread!  Yum!  I cook my corned beef and veggies in beer in my crock pot for about 6 hours.  Lunch is at 12, I must then get it into the crock pot at 6.  5 hours is enough sleep for anyone!  Really!  yup…

Oh, wait!  I have to do dishes before I cook.  uh oh.  ok 5:30.  4 1/2 hrs. of sleep is enough for anyone!  Really!

Oh no!  I didn’t make the soda bread last night!  ok 5:00.  4 hrs. of sleep is enough for anyone!  Really?

hmmm, I don’t hear music going. Sit STRAIGHT UP in bed.  It is now 6:30.  How FAST can you clean that crock pot now you doofus?!  I got it all in by 7:00 and bread all mixed and ready to go when I get back from church at 11.  Zip off to church and am 10 min late.  I’m not walking in by myself, which is curious.  Sunday School is fascinating, but short because the Concordia Jr./Sr. high choir is coming and they have to get the place ready.  We get out at 10 instead of 10:30, so I’m home by 10:30!  🙂  The bread was supposed to cook for an hour, but it was awfully dark after 30 min!  It was a good dinner.  Yay!

no gym today

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz wha?

So last night, and into the weeeeeee hours of the morning, I was trying to finish up some accounting work.  I went in to find that I had not yet reconciled January’s check book let alone February’s!  Oh dear.  Found all the missing accounts and got those entered in, I thought, then needed to find the January Bank statement.  No where to be found.  It was 3 AM.  I went to bed frustrated with myself.  Of course, then I dreamed of numbers in boxes for about 3 hours!  Got up at 6 AM, FOUND  the bank statement for January, finished entering in expenses and income, and reconciled!  YAY!  Did February’s and reconciled!  YAY!  I then grabbed all the stuff I needed (except the check book, it turns out) and headed off to do the report on the finances as of end of February.  I am now very, very punchy.  After a very weird and convoluted meeting, I trained the new treasurer with the department heads right there.  Much to their surprise, all the coding they were adding into the vouchers to “help me” had nothing to do with the way things were actually entered.  Ah, see?  This is Miscellaneous expenses.  Grin!  Really?  REALLY?  WHICH MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSE IS THIS?  Marketing miscellaneous?  Training miscellaneous?  Conference miscellaneous?  Um.  (This is from a speaking organization that considers “um” a 4 letter word.)  I then proceed to our Speakers Bureau, which is not a chest of drawers to put electronic speakers in.  The word of the day was “so” but being late, I only figured it out by listening.  *Giggles*  What do you call a seamstress of ill-repute?  A sew-n-sew so and so.  *slightly maniacal laughter*  My husband has left early to get to our grandson’s 2nd birthday.  I get to the party late but he’s soooo cute!  The other grandkids are there too and they’re soooo cute!  and I have a CUPCAKE!  YES!  I FREELY ADMIT IT!  but no ice cream.  I had eaten a banana, some peach yogurt, and a microwave Sausage Egg and Cheese Croissant during the meeting this morning, but that is long gone.  It’s about 3:30 and now I’m feeling Hungry and Entitled, so I say to my hubby, “Feed me!”

We go to Pizza Ranch. Oops.  (see earlier post)  I can’t imagine why my weight loss program isn’t working.  Oh, hello Obi!  Did you have a nice lunch?  you did?  and enough for dinner for the next 3 days?

We got home and I slept for over 1 1/2 hrs.  I am still punchy.  Everything seems to be either hilarious or maddening.  I find my 1st response to maddening is humor, so I am giggling… a lot!  and throwing things.

I am making Irish Soda bread tonight.

Important lesson #1:  Sleep deprivation makes for very weird and mostly unproductive decisions.