Worst Pep Talk EVER

So I didn’t get what I was expecting at my last training (gained weight) and was extra sore.  So what?  “Isn’t that Interesting?”  oops and go on.  But I couldn’t go on.  I sat there and stared out at my car knowing I should go to the gym and do some cardio on Tuesday, knowing I should do some lower body on Wednesday… and I could come up with lots of excuses and no reasons why I shouldn’t go.  But I didn’t go.  I’m ready to give up.  Ready to throw in the towel.  1 bad result.  How dumb is that?  The attitude is “if you KNOW you’re going to fail, why even try?  Why expend effort and emotion and all that is fragile just to be disappointed again?”  And it’s all because of some numbers on a scale.  Measurable progress.  Things to compare.  Why do I let my emotional state control my physical and mental actions?  Is this common? 

I am SO tired of setting these goals.  Any goals.  All goals.  (For this month it’s 2 pounds per week)   I set tiny goals and my trainers and supervisors ask, “Why are you shooting so low?”  “Because I can’t do it.  I set these milestones because you tell me to, but I have no doubt in my mind that I can’t do them, even the minimums.”  “OH!  Well that’s because you fail at your plan!  Work your plan and you’ll reach them.”  Then I show them my notes and my efforts.  “You did all of that and still failed?”  Pretty much.  So if it doesn’t matter, results wise, what I eat or whether I exercise, then why am I doing this?  Exercise, count calories, no carbs, 1 gal water (no I haven’t hit that either) weigh 213.  Sit and play or read, eat what I want, 1 8 oz glass of water every week if I remember, weigh 213.  Well duh.  Short term thinking.  I was 187 when I had to cancel my training sessions 2 yrs ago… I have my work outs, I can do it on my own.  (Didn’t did I…)  JUST GO!  DO!  you’re sore now, but get sore in other areas.  It’s a good sore, not injured sore.  Just a reminder of where your muscles USED to be… 

Arby’s Smokehouse

Cashew Chicken (1/2 order)

no exercise