How does she DO that?!!!!

When I decided to start walking, I got walking shoes.  My friends and my daughters that run got running shoes.  There are training shoes, tennis shoes, cross training shoes, dress shoes, dressy shoes, comfortable shoes… So in the “ideal” woman’s day, she should carry about 3-5 pairs of shoes around with her.  As she walks from the parking lot to the office building, she uses her walking shoes.  From the office to the 5th floor, she uses her cross trainers because trying to do stairs in walking shoes makes no sense (she says with tongue firmly placed in cheek.)  Once she gets to her office, she changes into her dress shoes.  She finishes work, changes into her cross trainers, runs the stairs, changes into her walking shoes, finds her car, changes into her dressy shoes for dinner out (those are the ones with the 4″ stiletto heels) and then into comfortable shoes for the drive home where she takes OFF her shoes and massages her poor aching feet.

So I went to Jurassic World movie.  THIS IS NOT A SPOILER!  Do you remember the scene in Romancing the Stone where Jack takes Joan’s shoes and chops off the heels so she can walk in them?  This is a running gag in action films.  Our hero, Owen, tells our heroine she should go back to the safety of the center because she couldn’t keep up in those ridiculous shoes.  She rearranges her clothes (and does nothing with the shoes) and then poses.   He’s confused.  She says she’s ready to go, then proceeds to tromp through the jungle, run through mud and muck, out runs dinosaurs and whatever in her 3″ heels!  How in the world (even in the Jurassic world) does she keep them on?  How does she out run dinosaurs that have been clocked at 30 mph after having spent 15 hours in these shoes?  How does she still have feeling in her toes?  She jumps over rubble and lands in a roll to a standing position and NEVER loses her shoes!  I’m thinking super glue here.  The soldiers and dino hunters and everyone else seems to have jungle boots on.  They all die.  Maybe if they wore the heels…

I decided if she could spend 15 hours in the shoes and still outperform Usain Bolt over rough territory, I should try it.  I put on my 2″ heels and my comfy socks and started out to walk.  I got to the end of the driveway.  Note to self, always trim toenails before wearing heals for any length of time.  Another note to self, do not attempt to walk long distances in shoes you have worn only to church and walking from car to building and back.  Another note to self, just because they look cool doesn’t mean they fit right.  Now I have sticky notes all over my closet door.  Hmmm.  Husband takes notes down and looks me straight in the eye, “NOTE TO SELF,” he says with a wicked smile on his face, “what you see in the movies is not real!”  What?!  Those weren’t real dinosaurs?  There really wasn’t a Jurassic Park let alone a Jurassic World?  Star Lord didn’t become friendly with velociraptors?  Groot was not an extra in the jungle scenes?  Most likely then, she didn’t actually do all those things in her 3″ heels.  I’m disillusioned.

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