Immeasurable progress–GAH Wars

GAH! is what you say at a very high decibel level when your injured hip gets jerked, or moved or twisted in a way that causes excruciating pain.  About midnight, I got 15 mg of oxycodone.  This is supposed to be really powerful stuff.  Pain is about a 2 on a scale of 1-10, 10 (which I just established) being moving from gurney to x-ray table.  I get no breakfast because I’m having an operation.  They come in at 7 to do pre-op and stab me in the arm in the inside of my elbow.  Because of course, the other IV’s (now 4 of them!) are innies.  doh!  If I have to relieve myself, I have to use a bed pan.  Now let’s think about this…  I cannot move my bad hip, it’s still broken.  I cannot lie on my bad hip, it’s still broken.  This means that I use my massive upper body strength to pull up my good hip so they can JAM the thing under my butt.  It pinches, and I have to pull myself several inches up before they can get it where it needs to go.  GAH!  See, when I pull up with my arm, I bring my good foot in, and push up my hip with my good leg.  I can get higher this way.  They don’t understand why I just don’t lift my bad hip.  I’m still amazed that they don’t get this.  Michelle is really good at moving me around and making my pillows work and taking care of me.  She’s the PA nurse (so she’s not the charge nurse and doesn’t have an RN…)   She’s given me 2 pre-op baths. She’s very friendly, so it’s not as embarrassing as it could be.  Doctor Go comes in and asks me some questions and then pronounces me ok for surgery.  Yay!    Dr. Vicarious (not correct spelling to protect the innocent) comes in and explains the procedure.  Screws, and clamps that go from top of femur to knee cap will be put in.  I asked if he was going to put in a zipper this time.  This is 3rd operation on same hip.  He was not amused.  Maybe he will get it later.  So I had my “vicarious” experience.  It is now 9 am.

How many times can you do the Jeopardy Theme Song before you realize that when they say “soon” they don’t mean within the next 5 hours.  It is after 2 pm when they take me down to the ready room.  Remember all those innies that they couldn’t use to draw blood?  They don’t use them to put in the anesthetic either.  I have a new one in my wrist now.  GAH!   They’ve asked me a dozen questions, over and over and over again.  I think part of the anesthesia is enhanced boredom.  Finally they take me in, at least I assume so since I have apparently fallen asleep.

I awake with a very long bandage on my left leg which is now swollen nearly double.  I am extremely sore, and now it’s about 7:30. GAH!  Time for breakfast:  chicken salad sandwiches.  This is how you make a chicken salad sandwich.  1)  cut up chicken, add pickle relish and mayonnaise.  2)  find 2 slices of white bread.  3)  Use an ice cream scoop to drop the chicken salad on the bread, and add the top slice.  DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SPREAD OUT THE CHICKEN SALAD AS THAT WOULD GIVE IT DELUSIONS OF ESCAPING!  4) cut sandwich in 1/2.  5) deliver to patient  6) when the patient picks up the sandwich, the chicken salad sees it’s chance and makes a desperate leap onto the patient’s chest anyway.

I get 1 more shot of morphine.  I do not notice any difference in pain level.

I can still only lie on my back, and I have to maintain my L foot to roll in to lower the pain level.  Gah!  and Yay Animal Planet!

I don’t know what I weigh now because I have extra hardware and all that swelling.  Dang.


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