What ever possessed people to put window stickers on their cars? Why do they think I want to know how many kids and dogs and cats they have? Why do they think I care that their t-rex ate someone’s stick family? What is so interesting about their family full of zombies? Why would anyone dedicate their cars to their dead relatives? Pick-up truck with flowery window In memoriam: Bob 1985-2007. What was special about Bob? Was he hit by a truck? Was this his truck? How do you trade in a truck with your memorial on it? It would be like selling the granite stone from the cemetery wouldn’t it?
It’s the same about bumper stickers. Yes, some are funny to read…but if you’re reading the bumper sticker, you’re not watching the road are you. The annoying thing about some of the bumper stickers is that they were never meant to be read going 60 mph on the interstate! They’ve got cute logos and attractive colors and nice fonts, but you can’t read them because the writing is too small! If you want to read bumper stickers, you have to go to the mall parking lot. Sounds like too much trouble for me. And just because you believe in a cause, putting that on your bumper will not convince me to change my stance. It is nice that your child got honored as a student…do those come with dates? What if he flunks out next semester; do you have to scrape the thing off? Would it be false advertising if you left it on? What if your honor roll Kindergartner graduated from High School last year? That makes me think you have 2 choices: Cover that one up with something inane like Obama/Biden for 2004, or good lord! Get another car! How many miles you have on that thing?! The problem becomes how does the dealership scrape off your bumper sticker? Do you get to keep the ones they can get off to transfer to your new car?
Sooooo, no. I am not interested in intimate details of your family, your religion, your politics, your favorite music or your favorite pet. If you’re a veteran, thank you, but unless you have PTSD and Road Rage and access to an AR15, I don’t need to know that. I can understand the honor student bumper stickers because those are for your kid to read and believe that you might care. I don’t. Also knock off the snarky “My poodle is smarter than your honor student” bumper stickers unless of course your dog is driving…then I’d be impressed. Do that on Facebook or put a bunch of signs in your yard.
I’m all in favor of USEFUL information on your car. “DWI traffic stops 10, convictions 3” would be good to know. “I never signal lane changes” might help me avoid running into you. You know those signs on Krispy Kreme stores that light up when the donuts are hot? There should be a yellow flashing light when you’re texting or on the phone. Maybe some annoying habits I should be aware of would be good. “I always take the exit 3 ramp at 9:02 by cutting over 4 lanes at 60 mph.” “I cannot drive in snow.” Good to know! How about new drivers…”I didn’t know it had a clutch when I bought it.” Reckless endangerment? How about “Wreckless endangerment?” “Mario Andretti pees himself when he rides with me to work.” People with bad attitudes–“I only use 1 finger to wave with.” “BEWARE! BOSTON TRANSPLANT! Doesn’t drive like us.” Very useful! “This sticker is holding my bumper on.” OK!
DON’T USE YOUR CAR AS A BILL BOARD. Don’t use it as a message board. Don’t use it as a moving Facebook page. I support Privacy. It’s none of my business. It’s a car–a means of transportation between point A and point B. It’s nothing more than that.