Monthly Archives: June 2018

Jurassic World II–a long way to a bad end

So it’s decades after the dinosaurs have escaped their island.  That people don’t recognize this as dangerous is, of course, par for the course.  Now, every upscale person has Compys as pets.  Responsible people naturally have them trained and neutered as they are rather prolific.  They are pack hunters so keeping the numbers down would be the prudent thing to do…but not Gerald.

Gerald believes these animals should live in their natural habitat.  He doesn’t believe in neutering or shots.  And he is vehemently against training.  One day, his compys attack and kill the mailman.  The cops arrest him and he comes to trial.

The prosecutor is relentless.  “You let them BREED?  How many do you Have?”

I don’t know.  They’re living creatures!  Humans shouldn’t intrude on natural processes!

“You didn’t train them to come to eat or how to act around humans?  At all?”

Of course not!  They’re wild creatures, they are not meant to be trained!

The defendant’s council is smiling with that grin that makes everyone on the prosecutor’s side nervous.

“So you showed a willful disregard for the humans that came onto your property or even into your neighborhood!”

They showed a willful disregard for the sanctity of these creatures’ autonomy–fencing them in and feeding them out of Bowls!

“I rest my case.”

“Does the defense have a case?” asked the judge.

“Yes, your honor.  And the prosecutor just made it.”


“Your honor, I ask that all charges be dropped.”  A gasp rises from the courtroom.

“On what grounds?”

“My client is obviously Non-Compys-Mentis!”



Why Bones drives me nuts

I like watching the show, “Bones” because it’s crime and forensic medicine.  I know that a blow to the bone will cause radiating micro-fractures and the younger injuries’ only fracture until they hit an older fracture.  In that way you can find the 1st blow.  FASCINATING!

When I first started watching the show, I noted it was based on the books of Kathy Reich, and that she was a consultant and producer for the show.  So I read them all.  I like the Temperance Brennan she writes about in the book.  She’s smart, intuitive (when it comes to investigation) and has a good sense of humor.

The show separates the Mental (Temperance) from the Emotional (Booth) entirely.   He has no factual, evidentiary basis for his investigations.  How does he get to the position he is in without that?  And Temperance is so devoid of emotional language and intuition that there is no way she would have gotten the job she is currently in.  She is SO literal in her language and her conversations as to make her a MORON!

For some reason, and it’s beyond me, every genius in the show expresses some sort of autism.  I have taught autistic people.  I have worked with geniuses.  You do not have to be a genius to be autistic, and you do not have to be autistic to be a genius.  And I know of NO autistic people that act like Temperance or Zach Addy–another character in the show.  Yes, autistic people can be socially awkward, but for crying out loud…an anthropologist who’d done any field work, as Temperance has supposedly done on numerous occasions, would preclude her behavior in social situations.

One episode, they were investigating a murder on the Jersey Shore.  They were in a club and dancing when one of the suspects steals ice and throws it on people.  He is posturing for the girls (and she points that out) and when he threatens, SHE comes in and postures like a gorilla.  Any anthropologist with experience would know that women do not posture to men.  And men, unlike gorillas, posture with chest moves and stance within the other person’s space.  Eye to eye.  Not like a gorilla.  She has a running dialog that explains the anthropological significance of everything she sees.  Most of the time everything she says that she thinks is of great import is painfully obvious to the average people around her.  So at least 60% of the time she’s interacting with the characters in the show, she comes off as a moron.  She takes EVERYTHING literally.  She makes a point to vocally document everything down to the smallest detail on things that don’t need documentation, and then when it comes to the bones and bodies she deals with, she glosses over the tiniest bit that NEEDS documentation as something everyone would notice.  So she’s inconsistent.

Holmes is a genius, and he’s awkward in social situations, but he doesn’t come off as a moron.  Columbo comes off as a moron because that’s his process.  He’s a bit awkward in social situations because he’s observing the behavior of his suspects.  He looks for the microscopic superiority smile that all his villains exhibit.  Dr. Reed in CSI is very awkward in social situations, but he NEVER comes off as a moron.  He doesn’t take anything so literally that he cannot understand the reference.  Temperance takes everything literally, she pays no attention to the mind behind the villain.  She can’t assimilate the culture she lives in but she can understand the cultures of small remote tribes or civilizations centuries gone.

What I guess I’m saying is this:  I like the idea of a Female Forensic Anthropologist that is amazing at what she does.  I like the idea of a team of geniuses solving murders that no one else could solve.  But I don’t like the aspect that these brilliant people are really social morons that we must treat with kid gloves and teach them how to integrate into society so they can function within the norms.  I get the idea that if they were not morons, everyone would be afraid of them due to Mad Scientist syndrome.  The geniuses are better than the average person and will take over the world by using their evil intellect.  Because we all know…All Smart People Are Evil and Intelligence is not something to be desired.  *Pushes Sarcasm Button repeatedly until it sparks and blows up*


This doesn’t work!  The laws of nature, physics and biology do not apparently work for me!

“Oh really?  What’s wrong?”

I’ve been doing this thing…1200 cal/day plus exercise for a long time and I am still a big fat blob!  (Obie is snickering…you can’t hear him…it’s my sentient fat)

“Oh dear!  So you always do 1200 calories a day?”

Not always…But I average about 1300 over the weeks.

“And you’re going to the gym or walking how often?”

Well I started out at 5x a week.

“And now?”

Well… On the weekends…twice a month…when I remember, or it’s not to hot or cold or raining.


2 years later:

This doesn’t work!

“What’s wrong?”

Dr. Oz said I’d get back to my fighting weight (Obie is snorting,) in 6 weeks if everything I eat is green.  I’ve not only not lost any, but gained 2!

“So you never eat yellow?”


“KFC is yellow…”

Yeah, but it’s chicken and chicken is healthy.

“But it’s not green…How long have you been eating mostly green?”

2 weeks.

“Still 1200 calories/day?  Still doing some exercise?”

Um…my last entry into my food log is 2 months ago.  (Obie has lost all control and is laughing out loud now.)


1 year later:

This doesn’t work!  I’ve cleaned out all my toxins and reset my probiotics and taking 6 pills at every meal and I’ve only lost 2 pounds!

“Oh dear! So you take 3 different types of herbal supplements, 2 pills each, 3 times a day?”

Well 2 times…when I eat.

“Every day?”

When I remember, and when I remember to eat.  (Obie giggles.)

“And the probiotics?”

Still full bottle in refridge.

“Still 1200 calories/day and exercising 2x/week on the weekends?”

I haven’t kept good track, but it’s gotta be close.


1 month later:

This isn’t working!  I take the pill in the morning (just one so I don’t get jittery), drink the goop, and put on the patch.  I’m supposed to feel energized and refreshed and my pounds are supposed to be screaming and leaping off of me!  They’re not!

“How early do you take the pill?”

When I get up.

“Before your feet hit the floor?”

No, I don’t want to wet the bed.  (Obie thumbs his nose at my attempt at sarcasm.)

“Then what?”

I put the patch on.


I go through my day.

“When do you drink your goop?”

After I exercise.  (Obie raises an eyebrow waiting for the bomb to drop…)

“Do you exercise every day?”

Um…(Obie imitates mike drop)

“The trainers in this program say this:  keep the pill by your bed and use it before you get up.  Then 30-40 min later have the goop.  Then put on the patch.  Then go about your day.”

I can’t have anything to eat after that goop.  It’s just so gross.  (Obie is laughing to the point of tears.)

“You thought you could continue to eat like you have been and supposedly exercise in addition to having this goop and all the patches and pills?”

Well, yes… (Obie is tweeting?)

“And you haven’t been drinking the goop every day.”

I ran out of milk.  And I drink it after…I…exer…oh yeah.  EVERY DAY?

“It’s a regimen.  It means that its regimented, scheduled, practiced daily.”


“Betty was right.  You’re too inconsistent with your approach to this challenge.  And that lady on Solomon’s Advisor was right too… You’re trying to change something in your life without changing your life.  Your lifestyle is something you love…teaching, watching Bones or Netflix or going to movies, dabbling in other business is somehow tainted by that big blob sitting in the chair that wears your clothes.   (Obie is pleased and bows at the acknowledgement.) Ok, so You want to continue this lifestyle and just put on a skinny suit. How you feel isn’t powerful enough to make you want to change who you are.  How you look is not enough to inspire you to change your activities.  Your “Why” is not compulsive enough for you to succeed because you lose focus, you lose interest, and you become inconsistent and the program, what ever it is, doesn’t work without consistency.

What you should measure in your Measurable Progress is not your waistline, it’s your change in character.  Because your Why is a complaint against the universe for conspiring against you…(Obie adjusts his crown and points with his scepter to continue this awesome praise,) and it is not a motivator that allows you to continue and press on despite distractions and setbacks.  (Obie drops scepter.)

It’s like living the retired life:  travel, leisure, freedom from worry or care without the odious tasks of having actually worked.  Ooops.  (Obie picks up scepter.)  So go to work.  Find the Why that keeps you on the path.  Get out of your freakin’ chair and be consistent in your program, whatever shape it takes.  (Obie removes crown, puts down scepter, and readies himself for a fight.)  It won’t be easy.  (Obie nods in agreement with an evil smile.  You get the distinct impression he’s thinking, “Not if I can help it.”)  But first, figure out WHY it’s important to succeed, not WHY it doesn’t work and you’re such a loser.  The Good why will get you there.  The bad why will paralyze you.  Measure your WHY!  Let that keep you consistent.





You find a note

I was in fast food once…ok, 5 years of fast food…

I did everything from back line to front line to management.  I know how the process works.  It’s not supposed to work like this…

It had been a long day and I didn’t want to cook.  I had been teaching, and doing an investment for a nice couple who didn’t have a clue how money works.  I spent nearly 2 weeks explaining how to budget, how much insurance they’d need, how to pay down their debt over a shorter time, and they finally got a glimpse of how their lives could be!  We finished up that night after 2 hours of questions and answers and paperwork.  It was late.  I went to the drive through and sat at the order window.  No one answered.  No, “WelcometoblahblahblahourspecialisblahblahblahcanItakeyourorderplease?” in auctioneerspeak.  No “Hold for a bit, I’ll be right with you.”  I was confused and mad just staring at this screen.  I wanted to go home.

“HEY!  Anyone there?!!!”

Someone whispered urgently, “I have to take the order or someone will get suspicious.”  Then into the mic, “Welcome to Wendy’s!  Can I take your order please?”  I ordered my favorite; she read it back and told me my total and to pay at the 1st window.  I pulled up and got out my money.  The lady at the window was not young.  She was all business.  I recognized her as a manager by her name tag and button down shirt.

Managers do not work the window at that time of night.  They’re busy doing register counts.  I became more suspicious.  I said, “Yeah, I used to be on that side of the window, I don’t have to do that any more.  How’s your night going?”

She looked nervously over her shoulder, smiled and replied, “Good as it could be!  Here’s your food and your Mountain Dew.  You can check your order in the pull in over there.”

?? Why would I pull into a parking spot to check my order?  I mouthed, “Are you ok?” and  saw her shake her head ‘no’ almost imperceptibly. I said “Thanks” as I drove over to the drive-through queue for wait orders and checked my bag.  As I was moving away from the window, I heard her saying that this was policy since there were so many bad orders and complaints at this store.  Ah…she was a substitute that was trying to fix a badly managed store.  I used to do that.  I checked my order and there was a note stuffed inside.

“We’re being robbed!  Call 911!”

Oh crap.  I called 911.  Then I did something stupid.

I drove around to the drive through order board and said, “Hey?  It’s me again.  I’m sorry.  I forgot that I needed to order my fries without salt.  Since I’m the only one in line, can you make me up some fries?”

A boy’s voice said, “We’re Closed.  Go away.”

“Bull!  your sign is still on!  It’s only 8:30 and your hours are until 11:00!  I ain’t leaving until you give me some fries–no salt!”

“What the …?” the woman’s voice chimed in.  “Get away from that mic you idiot!  I’m sorry ma’am, we’ll get some right out to you!”  She left the call button on and said, “You WANT some problems?  You’re not very good at this robbery thing are you!  Roberto drop some fries, small batch, no salt.

I pulled up to the window and whispered,  “I’ll keep you distracted so he can’t do anything stupid.”  Then I put my mad face on.  She nodded and leaned out the window.  I yelled, “What kind of stupid store is this that you have line people answering the drive through?  What’s taking so long?”

“I’m sorry ma’am.  He’s new.  Jorge!  Come here and apologize to the lady!  Yes now!  This is what good service looks like! and GET YOUR HAT ON!”  She through a hat at him and he put it on.

Jorge was wearing a Wendy’s hat but not the shirt and had no badge…trainee or otherwise.  He seemed very young.  “I’m not apologizing to no drive through bitch!  Get away from the window!”  He threw down the hat.  Thank you!  Now I had a clearer view of him.  He hit the manager with the back of his hand, then he leaned out the window and aimed his gun at me.  “Get the hell out of here!”

“Well I NEVER!  I’m going to call corporate about this you can be sure of it!!!!”  I pulled into the exit to block it and got out of the car.  My car is dark, so he couldn’t see what I’d done.  The cops arrived without lights or siren and I told them that protocol was to let him take the money and get out of the store so there would be no hostages and no casualties.  I also told them there were 3 crew members, and a manager, but no customers in the dining room.  Then I indicated where the cameras were.  I didn’t know if he was watching the monitor or not, but if he was, he might panic.  They blocked off the other entrance into the parking lot.  I then moved my car and another patrol car blocked the exit I’d vacated.  I pulled into the parking lot of the box store next door and watched the “show.”  They staged a couple of officers by the dumpster, one by the back door and one at the main entrance.  EXACTLY WHERE I TOLD THEM NOT TO GO.  If he was watching the monitors, that was where the lot cameras pointed.  Oh crap.

Luckily, Jorge was new at this and it never occurred to him to check the lot monitors. He walked out with a carry-out bag.  He got about 1/2 way to his car and the officer came up behind him and very gently said, “I’m with the police.  I’m armed and my gun is aimed at your back.  Stop, drop the bag and the gun and get on your knees.”  He was so close to Jorge when he said it, that Jorge freaked out and froze.  The other officers came out from their hiding places and walked slowly and quietly up to him, guns raised.  The black officer said, calmly, “Boy, you the wrong color to resist.  Do what he said.”  Jorge nodded and went to his knees.  There was no yelling, no panic.  The only tension I could feel was that of the boy on the ground.  This was NOT at ALL like what they did on TV.  They cuffed him and escorted him to the police car, and I think I heard Jorge crying.  The lead cop then went inside to assure the owner that the culprit had been caught and to take statements and such.  So I left.

Of course, my burger was cold…



24 hour permission

I had a strange thing occur to me.  We were doing impromptu speaking, and the questioner posed this:  If you had a 24 hour get-out-of-jail-free card and you could do anything you wanted without negative repercussions, what would you do?

Well I answered the question saying, I wouldn’t do anything that would require a pardon really.  I might change a certain someone’s teleprompter, steal a certain person’s phone so he couldn’t tweet for 24 hours, maybe crash a party or two and substitute light beer…

The questioner was aghast.  “That was the most boring 24 hours I’ve ever heard, and not the least like what I imagined you do.”  Um, thanks?  Sorry?

  1.  Why would he assume that if I could do something illegal, the only reason I don’t is because I don’t want to break the rules and get arrested or punished?  I wouldn’t want to DO anything illegal.  It has no interest for me.
  2.  Why would I do something illegal that would only affect a 24 hour period?

What most people think when confronted by a question of that sort is that they would have the freedom to indulge in a behavior that is restricted in their current lives.  I don’t have that problem.  I go where I want, do what I want, and I don’t have to break any laws or taboos to enjoy this freedom.

On the other hand, one of the other people in the room asked why I wouldn’t go rob someone of $1,000,000.  What’s the appeal of $1,000,000?  Is it the money itself?  Is it the things I could do with the money–like get a fast car and fancy house or go on a fancy vacation?  $1,000,000 is a nice round number, but I would be looking for a way to find an asset that would pay me $100,000/year in passive income.  With the original owner looking for that money, 24 hours would be way too short a time period to effectively launder the money and pick up an asset.  I’m assuming the person I stole from would want me to pay them back.  My enjoyment of the money would then be short-lived.

So yes, it was a boring response.  Sorry.

Our dreams and aspirations should not be hampered by the law, but neither should they require a person to break those laws to be happy.


Jungle Book musings

I had a student tell me this.  He wanted to be like me.  He wanted to have a quick wit, an infectious laugh, an insane imagination.  He wanted to be comfortable in front of people, and be funny at the drop of a hat.  He wanted encyclopedic knowledge so he could riff on any subject.

I was surprised.

Here’s why:  When he says, “Let’s go this way!” crowds of people follow him.  When he inspires people, they go and do stuff.  When he makes suggestions, people listen politely.

When I say, “Let’s go this way!”  I get responses like, “Why?” or no response and I’m by myself.  When I inspire people they’re inspired for about 37 seconds then don’t do anything.  When I make suggestions, I get laughs…they think I’m joking.  I don’t get taken seriously except by people who know me really well.  There aren’t many people that know me that well.

There was a story about a guy who saw this professional golfer on the driving range.  He walked up and said, “MAN!  I wish I could drive like that!  I’d give anything to be as good as you!”  The pro stopped what he was doing and addressed the guy.  “Would you really?  Would you practice your drives until your hands bled?  Would you practice putting for hours at a time?  Would you spend thousands of dollars on coaching, specially made clubs, and greens fees?  Would you spend 180 days on the road touring and competing?  Would you be willing to lose 90% of the competitions you enter?”  The man stammered.  The pro said, “If you want to be like me, you have to work like me, you have to think like me, and you have to desire it like me.”  Then he went back to practicing his drives.

Let me introduce myself.

I am a self improvement junkie.  When you go to a law office, you will see their collection of books–hundreds of them.  I would posit that most lawyers have never read all the books.  I have hundreds of leadership books, tapes (yes the cassette type) CD’s, DVD’s, and workbooks.  I have read and re-read every one of them.  I went to Orlando to be certified in leadership training by John Maxwell.  I have studied Jim Rohn and Zig Ziglar.  I have listened to webinars and watched videos of leaders in my profession (which is finance by the way). I have even written a leadership program with a workbook for use in Churches.

I also have a curiosity about EVERYTHING!  So I read articles about scientific subjects–global warming, physics, conservation, animal behavior, kinesiology, anatomy, acoustics…I’m interested in how things work.  I read and study human behavior like psychology and interpersonal communication.  I am fascinated by economics (thanks to William Snyder from Peru State) and the financial markets, especially investments.  I have 2 bachelor’s degrees–one in music and one in business finance.  I am certified in many financial areas.

I like to connect things that normally aren’t connected…Toastmasters and Ballet for instance.  Choreography is choreography.  Use of the space when speaking is the same as use of the space for dancing.  I adore observational humor–George Carlin and Robin Williams and Jonathan Winters are my favorites.  My friend, George, and I do a bit about driving in Omaha which is observational in manner.

So if my student wanted to be like me, he’d have to read the things I have read, study the things I have studied, travel the places I have traveled, and associate with the people with whom I have associated.  He’d have to develop an observational eye and a curiosity.  But even if he did all that, he’d still be ‘him trying to be like me’ and not a better version of himself.

In order for me to be a leader like he is, I’d have to give up the humor and the impulsiveness that makes me uniquely me.  Would that be a bad thing?  No, actually.  I would like to be taken seriously.  What’s curious is that when people DO take me seriously, I get confused.  “What?  You mean that you DO think I’m intelligent?  That I DO make sense?  That I HAVE changed your perspective and you ARE going to act on it?”  Then I shoot myself in the foot and say something dismissive or silly which makes people doubt my veracity.  Being taken seriously is scary!  At the same time, when I offer some insight or advice to someone that will drastically change their situation in life, and they laugh it off, IT BUGS THE HECK OUT OF ME!

Don’t be like someone, be the best version of you. To do that, you have to work on yourself to mold your mind and body into the person you want to grow into.

Finish Something

Grand Plans

Beautiful visions

Creative need

Cravings of accomplishment

On the drawing board

In the bags of yarn

In the calendar

Honest effort

Inconsistency brings frustration


Self hate

Everything is left undone

1/2 finished


Best Intentions but

No Action

Finish Something!

Just 1 thing

Start the ball rolling

Keep the ball rolling

Finish it.