a. Violent, explosive anger. See Synonyms at anger.
b. A fit of anger.
2. Furious intensity, as of a storm or disease.
I’m finding myself yelling and throwing things and cursing whatever is trying to foil me…including me.
I have screws that don’t screw, I have wheels that don’t turn.
I have an overwhelming sense of failure because with all the work I’m doing, you can’t see any difference! The piles are still there. Things still sit precariously. I picked up a loaf of bread because it didn’t belong in the place I found it. I just stood there with the bread in my hand and no idea where to put it.
“Oh,” say my normal friends, “Just put it where the bread goes.”
I don’t know where that is. I don’t know where my GS cookies go. I don’t know where my chocolate chips go. I don’t know where my aluminum pans go.
I turned off the electricity to the house to replace some outlets and light switches, and forgot to reset my clock when the electricity came back on…missed a lesson.
I tried to put in a register cover and they gave me a 32″ long screw (note the hyperbole) and of Course it wouldn’t turn after the first few inches. Soooooo, I hit it with a hammer. Well, THAT didn’t work.
I wanted to save time and move my spice rack back into the kitchen without emptying it first. I broke the green food coloring on my new kitchen floor (only 2 weeks old) and the red food coloring on my oak living room floor. My husband valiantly cleaned up the mess, and now we need a new sponge for the mop. EVERY SINGLE THING THAT GOES WRONG SENDS ME INTO A RAGE. I’m positively hormonal! I am NOT pregnant, and menopause was a long time ago. I’m tired and frustrated.
Now you may think, “This is a rant! AHA! She is incapable of handling the simplest of home remodels. I will send her a suggestion: ‘You simply…’ or ‘All you have to do is…’
Let me tell you: if it was simple or so elementary that ‘all I had to do…’ I would have tried that hours/days/weeks ago. I am NOT incompetent or incapable.
For instance: in removing my wallpaper, I discovered it was a vinyl finish. It was a bear to get down. Immediately, my friends said, “All you have to do…” and “you simply…” and it took every ounce of intestinal fortitude to keep from wallpapering them into their houses. Some even suggested I rip out all the wallpapered walls and re-dry wall it. Sure. Take a sledgehammer to all the walls, get new drywall for a trapezoidal room that’s about 14′ at the peak, cut out the outlets and the switch openings, cut new pieces for the areas above the cabinets, tape, mud, sand, mud, sand, mud, and sand. That would certainly be less mess and effort than scraping off the wallpaper. (Note the sarcasm.)
Why don’t you hire someone to do this? I had 6 weeks, they schedule months out. And now I’m going to go about 8 weeks. They said to figure $10K-$15K per room and $20K for a kitchen.
1 master bedroom
Add that up. Pretty close to $100K right? And this is so I can get a $108K loan to refi my $40K mortgage and consolidate some other debts. They required the upgrades for me to qualify for the loan. Now…my credit cards are going up because I’m buying building materials. I had to get a home equity line of credit to pay this so THAT’S going up. I am making payments on the other debts. My credit rating has dropped 60 points so in the end, after I’ve run up my HELOC and my Lowe’s and my Mastercard to bring my house up to the specs the appraiser demanded to qualify for the loan, there’s a chance my credit score could prevent me from qualifying for the loan. Do you get that?
The appraiser came into the house, said it was worth $135K but unless all the carpet was removed and replaced, all the wallpaper removed, all the rooms painted and the kitchen floor replaced, they would not loan me the money. So to qualify for the loan, I had to take out another loan to do repairs and updates. Because of the new loan and the balance increases to do the work, my credit score may be insufficient to qualify for the loan to pay off the loan to pay off the loan. (Grammarly thinks I may have been repetitive there).
There will be one (there’s always one) who will say, “You simply (I bristle) put all your paint supplies in the fireplace, put all the spent wallpaper and wood shavings in various strategic locations around the fireplace, make sure that the odiferous smelling paint can has plenty of access to air, light, and run!” I smirk. Ha! I’d thought of that. They’d see that conflagration from space. It might take down 2-3 additional houses in the block.
Now, just to be clear, I do not want suggestions, solutions, or tips. Your lines are, “Oh you poor thing! I’ll be praying for you. You’ve done so much–keep going.” Something along those ideas would be great. A nice pat on the head, a large slice of chocolate pie or cake, a movie with popcorn, all acceptable. Target date November 12. That would be 8 weeks since the appraisal report that threw me into this tizzy.
The basement is done, the entryway is basically done (waiting on the front door), the kitchen is nearly done (one coat of paint over the cabinets and install the microwave/hood.) I have a hallway, 2 offices and the master bedroom left to do. I still need the furniture for the living room and some chairs for the kitchen and my office. Window treatments for the living room, front office and master bedroom. DONE!
I’m not going to make it.
3 thoughts on “Rage”
Holy shit, that loan business is insane. I can’t believe how much you’ve gotten done, though! Total home remodel in 8 weeks is unbelievable! And I was just about to blog about “well-meaning advice.” It is literally the LEAST useful thing ever. You’re doing great. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Renovation Realities, but you are WELL ahead of the curve in home renovation.
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You are doing great! These things are always difficult, but you will get through it!
Oh you poor thing! I’ll be praying for you. You’ve done so much–keep going. Drinks are on me tonight.