I’m Depressed

And the first question that comes up is this: “Why?”

Depression doesn’t need a reason. It is an emotion that doesn’t necessarily have any tangible relationship to an event or a time or a person. When Ann Frank was hiding, every morning she had a reason to be depressed, and she chose to be happy. Nobody Chooses to be depressed. We search, in vain, for a reason why we’re depressed and think, might be SAD–Seasonal Affective Disorder. We could believe that we miss our relatives and friends that have passed away. We could be discouraged that we couldn’t find presents for everyone, or that we didn’t get the presents we wanted (or thought we deserved.) But when you really look at it, depression comes; it stays; it messes you up; and then it leaves.

Well-meaning people try to distract us from this feeling by asking you, “Why are you depressed? You have everything to live for!” Then they list all the things you should be thankful for. Now you’re GUILTY and depressed. Or they get out the Dad jokes to try and lift your spirits. Now you feel ungrateful and your brain hurts because of the bad puns. They try to take you out on the town, but you don’t feel like putting on pants. You can’t get up the enthusiasm to do anything. You can’t even get into your favorite book. The worst is when they put on some sappy Hallmark movie so you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mocking is the first thing that comes to mind.

Why is “Die Hard” considered a Christmas Movie? Why do people consider Hans Gruber’s drop from the top of the building the beginning of the Christmas Season? Was Hans’ great, great grandfather Franz Gruber–the man who wrote Silent Night? No? It’s because the only cure for depression is murder and mayhem and/or music by the Blues Brothers.

If you know someone that is depressed, do NOT tell them how they’re supposed to feel. It’s an emotion that is not easily directed. It’s like love. You cannot direct love in a way that you end up with the prom queen who happens to be a millionaire or toward the Stunt double for Dwayne Johnson. Telling a depressed person how to feel adds to the depression. Don’t force them into jolly devil-may-care activities because they Don’t Care. They don’t want to get out of bed or go through the effort of Going Someplace to Do Something. Don’t make them explain themselves. Do you think that depression has a cause and can be “cured” by getting rid of the cause? Depressed people don’t know why they’re depressed. You wake up with a malaise like you wake up with a stuffy nose. You can’t go back to the instant where you breathed in that virus. You have no idea where or when it was. Same with depression.

Watch some murder and mayhem and mock the characters or the action or the continuity. Listen to some rock and roll or jazz or blues or classical music. Be there with the person. They’ll be all right.

8 thoughts on “I’m Depressed

  1. Lots to unpack here.
    1. Do you feel depressed?
    2. I used to think along the same lines – there is no explanation, no one reason why I feel the way I feel. Well, after a LONG while (years), I’ve learned that not to be true. You often hide the real reason(s) from yourself. It’s a protective feature. Sometimes it’s denial. You simply don’t want to feel “sad” over something so “trivial.” And, because depression doesn’t come on right away, it can be difficult to pinpoint the root problem. You might have “forgotten” about something that caused it because it happened a while back and you thought you were “over it,” but the reality is different.
    3. To me, it’s difficult not being able to actively help someone who is not feeling their best. However, I also know that we all cope in different ways. SOme people actually DO need someone else to drag them out and say awkward jokes. Otherwise, they feel all alone. While others, prefer to be left on their own so they can do what they feel is necessary to get through it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m a little low but not depressed. I have been depressed though and I’m seeing signs of depression in a lot of people. Most of the time it can be easily remedied by turning off the news. It’s not because the news depresses them; it’s that it gives them plausible reasons to be depressed in case someone asks them why they’re depressed. They feel down and “know” there has to be a reason so they watch and see all the awful things going on around them and collect those things that would be a good stimulus for depression. You’re right about how good friends drag them out of their depression kicking and screaming. It is different for everyone, and only a really close friend knows what to do.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Never ask a person why he/she is depressed. I read this over again. And yeah, I also wondered why did hard was a Christmas movie.

    Thanks so much for this. I guess I’ve been doing the wrong things so many times. This is really eye opening. Thanks so much

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    1. Well-meaning friends that aren’t psychologists trying to psychoanalyze someone. It’s like people who are not firemen putting out grease fires with water. (BLAMMO!) It’s like people who are not car repairmen trying to diagnose that weird noise coming from under the hood. It’s like that “helpful” neighbor that tells you how to fix your computer. It’s like people without medical training telling you that Fibromyalgia is a made-up disease and if you don’t look sick or have a fever, you’re not sick. The best thing to do is ask how you can help and then wait for an answer.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow 🤩 now I’m just going to screenshot this.

        I will read this over and over again and it will stick to my head.
        I love the last part so much too. The best to do is ask and we can help and the wait for an answer 💪🏾😊

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  3. I agree with you, depression doesn’t always require a cause or reason, nor should people feel it’s their place to suggest solutions. Whilst they may think that they are being helpful, clearly they just don’t understand and come across as being condescending. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it’s a really interesting perspective 🙂

    Like

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