All posts by Rebecca Fegan

VACATION!

Look at these pictures!  Aren’t they amazing?  Great Sand Dunes, a lovely peak with aspens in full color, another view of the aspens against a cobalt sky, and a church on the top of a big hill.  You know what the problem is on vacations though…food.  I ate food.  I’m not supposed to eat food.  New Mexican cuisine, burritos don’t taste like Taco Bell here.  I even had duck for dinner once!  What does that mean?  It means that now I’m at 218 pounds.  Holy Crap!  Almost 4 years at the gym, averaging 1500 calories/day, and I’m 15 pounds heavier than I was when I started.  That’s measurable.  That’s progress–meaning I’m moving somewhere.  Let’s face it.  I’m NEVER going to be in beach body shape.  But I needed that sound of the wind in the trees, the hawks soaring over, even the Ravens cry in the early morning.  I needed that smell of pine and cedar.  I needed that rain, sleet, snow, hail, 0 visibility, long hours in the car, purse full of postcards and memories of hikes, museums and galleries, and last but certainly not least, time with my best bud, my husband.  We even lost power in the town where we were staying.  2 hours of darkness in the hotel.  They weren’t worried, so I wasn’t worried.  The power came on with little ado.

oooo purdy 178

So yes that’s snow…and it got so thick when we left that we couldn’t see anything but the tail lights ahead of us until we were about 50 miles west of Ogallala, NE.

One week later, I was at a Girl Scout Camp Alumnae Event and we did low ropes activities and archery.  Sore?  Ok, the tops of my feet weren’t sore, but everything else was.  I’m still toooooooo weak on my left leg.  Dammit.  Then of course I had gained all that vacation weight.  I couldn’t transfer weight from good to recovering leg, and couldn’t balance on recovering leg and move good leg.  Couldn’t get to 2nd of the bosun chairs.  Hands hurt, legs and back and tummy hurt, arms hurt, eyebrows hurt?  It was fun because my daughter was there.  It was also a reminder that I am not, and have not made my fitness a priority.  It always takes a back seat to whatever I’m doing at the time.  Dang it.  I don’t like having fitness a priority in my life.  I want my LIFE to have priority–seeing things, doing things, experiencing things!  But OOPS, I can’t see things, do things or experience things in my current condition.

I guess I have to make it a priority until I am in a condition that I can have a life…tomorrow.

 

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I was raised differently

I follow several blogs.  A great many of them are success-oriented.  The interesting things they all have in common is that everyone is programmed from birth to be what they are now.  We all believe what we’re told between the ages of 0 and 6.  Our personality is set by age 6, and everything we do and think is what we’ve been told to do and think.  We put ourselves in bad places mentally and physically by our attitudes on life:

  • “Eat Drink and be Merry because tomorrow we Diet.  Wait… Die?”
  • “Life’s a Bitch and then you DIE.”
  • “When you Die you can’t take it with you.”
  • “You’ll never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul.”

The gist of this is that nothing we do on Earth matters, so you might as well enjoy your stinking life in your paycheck to paycheck job with your boring spouse and your over-scheduled kids.  Who wouldn’t want to take an automatic and shoot everyone in sight?!  There is no hope in this view of life.  But some people actually enjoy life.  That’s just wrong on so many levels.  They should feel guilty for how much time, freedom and money they have.  They should spend it on us because we have no time, no freedom and no money.  Why can’t we become people with time, freedom and money?  Because money is evil, or the root of all evil or the love of money is evil or something from that book that has the gold lettering and 2″ of dust on it.

  • “Money can’t buy you happiness.”
  • “Life would be better without money.”
  • “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.”
  • “The poor will be with us always…until they all die of course.”

It’s true–money can’t buy your happiness.  Neither can NO money.  Money represents trade.  I trade what I have in goods and services for what I want from someone else’s goods and services.  I cannot trade music lessons for carrots, but I used to trade it for 1 gallon of fresh milk (directly from the cow to me!  I had to pasteurize it myself) and 2 dozen brown eggs.  I trade what I have in talent and time for a substitute type of currency (little pieces of paper with pictures of famous people on them) that I can use to trade for carrots.  I don’t have to find someone with carrots that has an interest in guitar lessons.  Much handier.  I can trade information on finances with someone that wants to trade information on history.  Although it would be mentally attractive, I cannot make stew with historical information.

Turns out, I was programmed differently.  I have suffered from that all my life.  One of the most asked questions in my family as I was growing up was, “What do you think?”  Silly me.  I thought everyone had this kind of discussions at home.  I was an outcast because I actually thought that what I thought was interesting, in-depth, and had some sort of worth to the people who surrounded me.  I was wrong.  I found out I had been programmed wrong…bad code.  People were people and just wore different skins and hair.  Some were good at thinking, some were good at working with their hands.  People were fascinating creatures.  We don’t all think alike or believe alike or act alike, and that makes humans interesting.  Somewhere, sometime, some people became aware that since not everyone thought alike, some must be right and the rest wrong.  Oops.  And since I didn’t think like that, I was wrong and was ridiculed for it.

Let’s just settle this here and now.  I’m right.  Now let’s go on from here.  There is more than one way to accomplish things. It is ok to make money.  It is ok to enjoy yourself.  It is ok to want freedom and time to do things.  Work is fun when you contribute to your society.  There is no one way to do that.  It’s like Paul described the church in the bible (1 Corinthians 12:12).  The reason the rich get richer is because the rich think differently than the poor.  The rich trade thoughts and innovation for money, the poor trade time and effort.  The rich look for assets–things that provide multiple income streams.  The poor look for a 52″ flat screen and diversion and put their money into liabilities.  So you could have a large bank account and still be poor because you look at the money as an asset instead of a tool to accumulate assets.  You could have a 0 bank account and be rich because you can trade your time and effort for an asset that brings in money regardless of your attention to it.

Jim Rohn says that every child should have 2 bicycles–one to ride and one to rent.  The child doesn’t have to ride both bicycles, and doesn’t even have to ride one.  He might rent both of them!  Then he could use the money to buy a 3rd bicycle.  See?  He now has a revenue stream.  The maintenance and repairs on the bikes might bite into the revenue stream, but it wouldn’t stop it.  Sooooo, the kid with 0 money goes and does odd jobs for the neighbors to earn money to buy the 1st bicycle.  He rents out the bicycle because he can’t ride it while he’s doing the odd jobs.  He has an active income stream from his own efforts, and a passive income stream from his little brother who rents the bike from him.  The kid now uses the profit to buy a second bike, and now can ride further around the neighborhood to do odd jobs and increases his territory.  He enlists the help of one of the neighborhood kids to do some of the work, and though they split the profits, the kid still has to rent the bike to get to the jobs.  If kid II doesn’t figure out what kid I is doing, he continues with this arrangement as long as Kid I continues to get jobs and rent him the bike.  Kid I becomes fairly well off.  Kid II has money for movies and snacks.  Which one becomes rich?  Kid I’s little brother is without a bike since Kid I rents it out to the neighborhood boy to help with his business.  Kid I’s little brother gets his own bike the same way by selling lemonade on the corner.  Then he adds cookies to the stand.  Then he boxes up some of the cookies and sells those.  Then he hires a neighborhood girl to run the stand and opens a 2nd stand in the neighborhood down the street.  The children in that household have figured out what assets are.

Was I programmed like this?  Why, yes, yes I was.  I cannot bring myself to work for others.   I do not have a 6 figure income.  I have been to Europe 3 times since I was married.  I have been in every state except Hawaii and Louisiana.  I paid cash for the $1450 repair on the car for a compressor.  I have investments that grant me multiple streams of income.  I am not rich because I have a big bank account, I am rich because I have multiple assets.  I have time, freedom and enough money to do what I want.

Once you are aware that where you are you programmed yourself to be, and where you want to go is also programmable, write the program!!!

Fail…so what?

I had COFFEE.  *sobs*  I had LOTS of COFFEE.  *wails*  I had 2 cups at breakfast and 2 cups at lunch, and no appreciable water all day.  So my water experiment is a bust.

No, no it’s not.  It’s One day.  My lips are no longer “sticky” and though I’m having to pee like every 5 minutes, I don’t feel as sluggish as I had.  Drinking that much water is a hard habit for me to acquire.  I still am struggling with it near the end of the month.  Is anyone else having a problem with this experiment?

Last week, I had a sudden pain in my thigh of the leg that was broken.  It was way down below the break and it felt like I was cramping.  Every step hurt.  It has diminished since then, but of course, I couldn’t go to the gym or do any walking while it hurt.  I may get some walking in a little later today.  I also haven’t weighed myself (because my standard is at the gym.  Lucky for me…)  I would guess I haven’t lost any appreciable weight though.

My friend L is on the keto diet.  She’s lost about 25 pounds!  She did that in 90 days?  I’ve been essentially at 1200 calories a day and mostly protein and fat for 2 years now.  Still same weight.  SHM.  It’s frustrating.

My progress has been in my attitude about how I look and how I feel.

You know…

  • Denial  (I’m not fat, I’m fluffy!)
  • Anger (Why do calories attack me in my sleep!  They leap onto me and hold on for dear life.)
  • Bargaining  (OK, if I have 5 good days of exercise and good nutrition, can I have pizza and beer on Saturday?)
  • Depression  (No one else has this problem, the laws of biochemistry and physics do not seem to apply to me.)
  • Acceptance  (No problem, yes, I am a 2XL.  I AM twice the woman you married.)

If you read through my blogs on Measurable progress, you can see me vacillate between the last two repeatedly.  I don’t want to accept that what I look and feel like right now is the way I’m going to remain.  But I cannot continue to beat myself up either…

We?

I was listening to the radio “For Your Health” program this morning, and came to an interesting conclusion.  Here’s the set up:

The hostess states some statistic about how many people lie to their doctor when they go in.  She then goes on to say the obvious–that you could leave out pertinent information regarding your condition that would significantly alter your diagnosis.  That you must be up front when discussing your habits such as drinking, drugs and activities.

My conclusion was not that people are trying to save face in front of the doctor so they don’t appear weak and vulnerable, when, in fact, they are AT the doctor’s clinic BECAUSE they are feeling weak and vulnerable.

What is the 1st thing the doctor says when he or she comes into the room.  They look at the chart and then they look at you and say, “How are WE feeling today?”  Now if the mechanic came into the waiting room at the dealership and looked at the computer read-out of your car and said, “How are OUR cars doing today?” you’d look at him funny.  I dunno!  I don’t have the chart with all the information about YOUR car.  I assume since you drove it here, and I towed mine, your car is in pretty good shape and mine doesn’t work.  Let’s just concentrate on MY car.  If the waitress came to your table and asked, “What are WE having for breakfast today?” (and we’ve all had this happen), most would respond, “Wait–you came to work in a restaurant before you ate?  Can’t you sneak something in the kitchen?  Did you want to join me for breakfast?  It’s ok with me, but we’d have to split the check.”

So when the doctor asks the patient that stupid question, the patient is not wanting to appear stupid in front of the doctor.  He looks him up and down and makes his best guess that the doctor is probably fine and not hurting anywhere.  Then he self-assesses and then using a math that is as incomprehensible as quantum mechanics and averages it out.  The patient then replies, “pretty good for the most part.”

Don’t be fooled.  The doctors know exactly how you feel.  They have your chart!  They can tell what you’ve been doing.  If your eyes are bloodshot and you say, “Will this take long Doc?  I’m really hungry!  Oh and did you know all your pens talk?  Dude!” he will know you’re on some kind of drug.  He just wants to know one of two things: 1. Is it prescription? and 2. Can I sell it on the side to pay for my liability insurance premiums?  Hmmm probably not that 2nd question.  If you smell of alcohol and tobacco, and you giggle at the questions, he’s going to know you might have a drinking problem.  If he tells you what he suspects and you exchange money with your spouse, he’ll know you might have a gambling problem and that your kneecap injury is probably an indication that you’re not very good at it.  He will know when he listens to your digestive system and gets his stethoscope kicked that you might be pregnant.  He will understand when he comes into the exam room and you ask him where the tomatoes are that you might be suffering the first stages of dementia.

The point of the program was to encourage people to be straight-forward with their doctors.  My point is that doctors should ask, “WTH is wrong with you?” instead of using the royal “we” and then they’d get a straight answer.

hmmm

I wrote that last one Sept 1, and then something happened and it didn’t publish.

Ok, well, published now.

End of 1st week:  It’s hard not to drink coffee/tea/pop and stick to water.  I went a week on this water experiment and then had some Mountain dew with my salad.  I couldn’t finish it.  It was way too sweet!  I had coffee with my breakfast, and could only drink a 1/2 a cup.  My body’s reacting to this in ways I didn’t predict.  Should be interesting.

Lips still feel sticky, but less so.

Happy September 1! Ready? Set? GO!

For all you people that read this blog, this is the beginning of “Water You Up To?” September.  The rules are simple:

  1. Drink water
  2. not flavored water
  3. not Gatorade or other power drinks
  4. not tea
  5. not coffee
  6. not fruit juice
  7. not water flavored with hops and barley (beer)
  8. no, the ice in your cocktail doesn’t count
  9. not pop/soda

Write down in your September Journal how you feel today.  Get a picture of yourself perhaps.  Write down your exercise and your meals as well.  If you have a fitbit, check it! (Oh, yeah.  That’s why you bought the danged thing!)  I’m curious how your results turn out.  2 questions that come to mind:  1st of all, are you more aware of what you’re eating when you have to journal it?  So will that affect your results?  And secondly, are you more aware of your exercise when you journal it and will THAT have an effect on your results?

Sept 30, let me know how you did.  The more people we have in this experiment, the better the information we get.

Here’s my starting:

  • Weight 212.7
  • lips:  sticky (partial dehydration)
  • exercise regimen for base–Physical Therapy exercises to strengthen broken hip (from last year)

Water

Water you up to?  Not much, you?

Hahahaha!  I crack myself up.  (cues laugh track)

I was looking on my bottle of tea for ingredients.  It SHOULD say water and green tea.  It doesn’t.

Water, Citric acid, Hexametaphosphate, Natural flavor (why would you have to ADD natural flavor?  If it isn’t added, why is it listed as an ingredient?) Green tea (there’s the tea), ascorbic acid, potassium sorbate, phosporicacid, aspartame, acesulfame potassium, pectin, and calcium disodium EDTA. And what is EDTA?  Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid. (That’s ethylene diamine tetra acetic acid)  It is made from a concoction of poisons and chelation chemicals:  formaldehyde, sodium cyanide, and Ethylenediamine.  Yummy!

Back to water.  It has been pointed out to me that I might be suffering from chronic dehydration.  Chronic?  It means I’m consistently drinking stuff other than water.  Think of it this way.  You’re making bread.  It calls for flour, sugar, milk, salt, butter and yeast.  That’s fairly straight forward isn’t it.  Milk is liquid.  Substitute 2/3 c of dry milk and 1 cup water.  Now…Here’s where the fun begins.  Try substituting 1 cup of tea for the water.  Now try 1 cup of coffee.  Oooo!  how about a cup of kalua!  Wait.  1 cup of Mountain Dew!  I like Mountain Dew, let’s make it 2 cups!  Yum!  In any case, you’re not going to get bread out of this recipe.

The body craves water.  Simplest form possible.  If it gets something other than water, it first has to clean it to get the water out.  That’s an extra step.  When you pollute the water with flavorings and extra chemicals to maintain its color and addict you to the secret ingredient (High Fructose Corn Syrup),  you don’t get as much water as you need out of the concoction.  Your nerves need water to make sure the electrical impulses are not short circuited.  Your brain needs water because it’s the brain and it knows what it wants.  Your bones need water to lubricate the joints.  Your blood needs water so it doesn’t get too thick.  OK, so no, I don’t exactly know why all these systems need water, but they do.  But I don’t drink nearly enough water.  I bet you don’t either.  You drink sports drinks, and pop, and milk, and tea, and beer, and wine and juice.  But you don’t just drink water.  Oh we make a big deal about carrying our water in little bottles with labels that say “this here water is pure as the driven snow and melted down from a glacier in Nova Scotia…or from the tap of Mrs. Livingston in Rockwell, Ill.”  We drink the water at the gym and where ever we think someone will see us being healthy.  Then we go home and have a 2 liter Mountain dew with our pizza.  Or we have 1/2 a case of beer with our steak and potatoes.

I want to try an experiment.  Let’s get as many people to do a WATER ONLY September.

  1. Take your measurements and describe your well-being before you start, and then at the end of the month.  Let me know what you discover.
  2. If you drink anything, it has to be water.  No tea, coffee, fruit drinks, diet drinks, pop…just water.  I think the standard amount is related to your weight.  I may be way off base, but figure 1 oz of water for every 2 pounds you weigh.  So if you are 100 pounds, you drink 50 oz of water a day.
  3. You can have soup and broth, but it doesn’t substitute for water, it would be in addition to water.

I will collate the information and let you know the results in October.  It could have revealing results.

.

Crutches

Ever get off the crutches too early?  You start doing compensating behaviors (like the way you changed the route you took to your desk so the hand rails would be on the correct side.)  You change your stance, you change your gait, and then things heal wrong.  You start compensating to the point where you prevent healing.

This happens on emotional and mental arenas as well.  You wake up, trip on the covers and bonk your toe on a chair.  Then you say to yourself, “Well, it’s going to be one of THOSE days!”  Why would you set yourself up like that?  It’s emotionally and mentally safer that way.  You’re expecting things to go wrong so that when they do, you pat yourself on the back and say, “Yup, you called it right!  It IS one of THOSE days!”  What if instead, you said, “Well I got the worst part of my day over with and it’s not even 7:30 AM!  Woohoo!”  What if something else went wrong during the day?  What if it WAS worse than smacking your toe?!  You’d be WRONG in your ASSESSMENT!  Has anyone heard your assessment?  How would anyone else know?  Ahhhh, you go around telling everyone what a horrible day it has turned out to be today and it’s not even 10 AM.  Why?  Because misery loves company.

How about those of us that say, “Well I’m certainly klutzy today.”  That gives us license to spill the coffee on that goofball in accounting that thinks he’s clever and is always trying to be witty in the break room.  It gives us an excuse to knock all the papers off Mr. Never-makes-a-mistake’s desk so he has to put them alllllllll back in order again.  It gives us permission to be mean and blame it on our klutziness as exhibited in the privacy of our bedroom earlier that morning.  Wait… No one saw that.  Hmmmm.  You could make up a story about your short comings and have a ball taking out all those people that annoy you!

  1. I didn’t get my morning coffee, I’m grumpy.  We can tease and yell and complain all day!
  2. I couldn’t find my keys this morning, I’m losing everything!  Like the report we didn’t do or the party funds we might use to buy lunch today…
  3. I’m so distracted today!  I can’t focus on …squirrel!  That allows us the freedom to stare out the window during the meeting, and interrupt the blabbermouth as he regales everyone with his boring golf stories.

But see?  This makes you the annoying person in the office.  It is fun, but it isn’t right.  Do not use a single characteristic to paint your whole day.  Do not ascribe a temporary shortfall in your abilities to a fatal flaw in your character.  So when you stub your toe, just say OUCH.  If you don’t get your coffee, drink some at work or on the way.  If no coffee makes you grumpy, you have much bigger problems.  If you lose your keys, be extra attentive to your belongings.  If you’re distracted, go to the bathroom and collect your thoughts so you can refocus.  Because eventually, if you have that many fatal flaws, and destiny is against you, you will be hit by a bus.

 

Humor

I was watching Stand Up on Nitwit Flex the other day.  I have seen 4 comedians.  The 1st one told long stories, one of which involved him performing at a prison, and another about his relationship with his wife.  It was amusing but not funny.  The funny one was the black guy who said he was taking notes for future material, and would whip out a notebook sized piece of paper when they laughed big or when they didn’t.  He had some great Carlinesque and some Richard Pryor moments where he just made observations on life.  His language was foul.  The remaining 2 comedians were talking about bodily functions the whole time.  That might be funny to 5th graders or high school sophomores, but none of the material these 4 were using corresponded to the laughter they were getting.  In fact, it didn’t seem to me that the audience reaction was in line with the stimulus.  It’s like when you tell a joke that is not funny and the crowd goes crazy–like the venue sprays silly gas on them before you get on stage.

Are they laughing because they feel intellectually inadequate in that they don’t understand the humor and don’t want the people around them to know they didn’t get it?  Are they laughing to prove to themselves and the people around them that they are worldly wise and sophisticated enough to get the f@rt jokes?  Are they laughing because they’re embarrassed by the material?  (I had a kid that would smile when he was embarrassed.)  Do they have plants in the audience?  I would be a Robin Williams in that venue!  I would have people rolling in the aisles under those circumstances.

I could talk about weight lifting at the gym after a yogurt breakfast.  “Now for squats…I hope I don’t f@rt!” *acts out lifting and f@rting.  Crowd goes wild.*  I could do potty training grand children.  “Welcome to Trouserless Tuesday!  Drop your pants, and if you need to pee…go to the bathroom or clean it up yourself.”  *crowd is in tears.*  I could tell a story about hiking the trail after burritos for lunch.  1/2 way around the lake, I REALLY have to go, and there’s no toilet paper in the out house.  It’s too late.  People across the lake can hear the expulsion and look up to see where the jet is.  The methane released peels all the paint off the interior.  Other hikers walking by pass out.  I use the toilet paper roll to scrape off as much as I can, and have to walk funny for another mile and 1/2 to get back to my car…where I am recoiling at the idea of sitting down and driving home.  *crowd is rolling on the floor and some are having accidents themselves.*  But I don’t think that material is funny.

What I think is funny are those little blue pill advertisements.  How can it be considered erotic for 2 old people to be in separate bathtubs, outside, holding hands and looking at the sunset?  1st of all, it’s 2 older people.  2nd, why 2 tubs?  (Wouldn’t a nice big Jacuzzi be more erotic?)  3rd, is the water heated or does it get colder?  (I’d think that cold water might be a detriment to later performance…)  4th, in order to get started, one or both have to get out of the tubs.  So if they’ve been sitting in cooling water, staring out at the sunset for any length of time, they’ll be pruny, and goose-bumpy, and, well, shriveled.  I would think that my first reaction to such a scene would be laughter (and shivering).

My audience is different though.  They’re not the millenials and new parents and those of mid-life crises.  They’re the grandparents, the mean old nasty ladies with the canes, the old guys with the Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirts and silly hats that constantly yell, “Git off my lawn ya little buggers!!!”  They’re the ones with life experience.  They’re the ones that read bill boards and laugh at the implications.  (Picture of Lincoln–failed, failed, failed, failed, President–Persistence!  And we’re thinking failed, failed, failed, failed, shot.)  Or look at those inspirational bill boards put up by the churches.  Think how much easier it would have been if there had been bill boards in Moses’ day.  “Yo!  MOSES!  The sign said next exit!”  Could have cut some of the traveling time.  Or post one up with Jesus’ picture on it saying, “THIS IS THE GUY!~God”  Would have saved a lot of people from 2nd thoughts.  I always get confused about the connection of nearly naked ladies and cars.  Which are they selling?

I think that the lengths some of these people go to have the perfect ANYTHING are ludicrous!  The more moving parts, the less likely things are to be perfect.  So if you’re spending $30k on a wedding dress, and the perfect destination wedding, with the perfect band or dj, and the perfect vows, and the pre-nuptial agreements, and the right people at your wedding (the ones that have enough money to GET to the destination) it will be a perfect occasion.  It’s just ONE DAY in your married life and the next 12 years you will be arguing about money because you’ll still be paying for it.  It is the same with the perfect birth for your baby.  I confess I heard this last discussion on the radio.  It was HILARIOUS what women do.  “Oh, no we’ll be having a completely natural childbirth in the completely natural childbirth facility with 15 people on hand to do the child’s first spinal adjustment as he’s born, the string quartet playing Mozart, the midwife, husband, obstetrician and 3 nurses on hand, the priest, the gospel choir and the most sanitary of rooms. Whatever is best for the baby.”  Oh, really?  Well, we’ll be having a completely natural childbirth on the beach in the ocean.  The salt water keeps the child floating on the sea and completely relaxed.  Whatever is best for the baby.”  Oh yeah?  I was part of the Lamaze group when that went through.  That was rather enjoyable.  Now that isn’t enough.  Speaking with the nurses and staff, I discovered that 80% of the Lamaze patients were screaming for drugs before they got through the 1st couple of hours of labor.  It seems to me that everything in life needs to be a production put on by the most prestigious directors in which we (the untrained!) play the leading roles.  Does that make any sense to anyone?  It cracks me up!

Strangely enough, not many of the things I find funny ever end up on the “Stand-Up” stage.  You know that a regular target for archery is the big circle with little circles inside?  If Donald Trump was a target, he’d be just a big red circle.  So no, he’s not on my list of funny things…too easy.  Bodily functions have ceased being funny since gradually, in my advanced age, I am losing control of all of them.  Complaining about aging is off the table because the youngsters don’t think it’s funny or they don’t get it, and the “more mature” members of the audience often have funnier stories about the same subjects.  That leaves me with observational humor.  Carlin was the master of that as was Robin Williams.

What do I observe?  9 times out of 10, the guys from CSI (and Miami CSI and NY CSI) don’t apparently work for any of the other police on TV.  There is a reason for this!  When the investigations are run by CSI, they have the LAB GEEKS GO INTO THE FIELD WITH THE FIELD AGENTS AND THEY TAKE THE LEAD IN THE ARRESTS!  So if you want credit for a collar, you don’t let the CSI people anywhere near your crime scene.  They will steal it from you!

I also notice that if you put a mask on a famous person, they become unrecognizable.  I can see how that would work with Dare Devil, Spider Man and the Flash, but the Green Arrow?  Supergirl?  Superman? Com’on!  Facial recognition would nail them the 1st time they showed up in a news story!

I also notice that Gibbs never gets called on a harassment charge for his head slaps.

Unfortunately, another noticeable thing is that during sweeps week, everyone goes into the bedroom.  I don’t want to KNOW what they’re doing on their own time in the privacy of their own homes.  These are mythical creatures, these TV personalities.  They NEVER go to the bathroom.  The women are never experiencing PMS.  All the guys are experts at the salmon ladder,  and none of them has hair on their chest.  Even Hercules (Kevin Sorbo) had hair on his chest.  I cannot imagine having to grow chest hair back!  What an itchy situation!!!

What is the likelihood that I would get a call from “Stand up” to do a session?  Somewhere south of .005%.  *Sigh*

Gait

I have discovered that when I’m on an elliptical machine, I don’t limp.  I also don’t have to use my hands to steady myself so I don’t lose my balance.  I cannot do that on a treadmill. I went to my PT today and worked on some stuff–my normal routine.  I stretch my hamstrings and my uninjured leg is tighter than my recovering leg.  I lie on my side and do leg lifts with a weight, then on my back.  I did grand battements en croix with both legs. (Not at the same time…) Then, I had to do the 10 second sit down exercise 5 times.   I tend to lean to the right to stand and sit so less of my weight is over the recovering leg.  I have to concentrate really hard to do this.

I added another exercise today.  I stand on a 4″ box with my weak leg suspending my strong leg over the floor.  I then slowly bend my supporting leg until I can touch the ground with my foot, then stand again.  This is very hard for me.  The therapist was surprised that my injury was incurred in August.  Just ducky.  You should be much further along than this if your injury was last year!  Well, I’m not.   So fix me.  Ok, last exercise…walk on the treadmill for 5 min and don’t limp.  Only hold the support with your left hand, adjust your hips and don’t swing your leg.  OK, Walk NORMALLY.

6.crying