Goals?

Last September I had a vision. I was in the Entrepreneurial Mastery Inner Circle. It’s a group of entrepreneurs that discuss how to be more successful in their businesses, and the main business they have in common is the coaching business. The founder of the group wanted to get a Coaching Academy going that would educate the public on what coaching really was all about, accredit aspiring coaches, and stretch them in their performance to become elite influencers.

What was that vision I had? At first, it was a picture that CS had provided…the association of highly competent coaches who not only had amazing skills getting people closer to their ideal performance level, but their businesses were thriving. People came to them for the best service. They weren’t begging for clients or involved in discount price wars. They could do What they wanted, When they wanted, With Whom they wanted, at the Price they wanted, If they chose to do business at all. We would get together for an intense seminar to give us not only the coaching techniques and skills but the business acumen we’d need to stay in business. I got a glimmer of that vision right then.

But there were hoops to go through, challenges to face, an intellectual gap to fill, and a heavy price to pay. I have probably mentioned my learning method (feganmethod.com), so I knew I could handle the intellectual gap. I am also a financial guru of sorts, so the hefty price was something I could arrange. I expected to get a return on my investment to more than compensate for the cost. Things outside of my control? There was an application process that included an interview, and I was told that not everyone would qualify. From being involved in those calls from the Entrepreneurial Mastery Circle, I knew there were many people in that group that were much more qualified than I with more experience and making much more money. They were charging $100/session and they had more clients. I had a teaching business and had never coached before. I was charging $100 per month! But that vision kept pulling me back, each time with more detail.

I knew that the person I saw in my vision was not the same one that faced me in the mirror. This was a different kind of goal that I’d never gone after before.

If you have a job or a business, you are probably familiar with goal setting. You understand dream boards or vision boards. You have probably discovered affirmations you tack to your bathroom mirror and recite before you go to bed. You probably keep a pencil and paper by your bedside in case you come up with the cure for cancer in the middle of the night. You write down the 6 most important things you have to do the next day. Those are all measurable and can be put into a list that enables you to check things off. They get you to your goal of success however you define it.

This goal I was looking at, to get accepted into this Coaching Academy, was not like anything I’d ever come across in those motivational seminars I had attended every 6 weeks for 15 years. This goal was not like all those self-help gurus who told us to find our “Why?” to discover our “How?” and improve our lives. They all involved concrete steps that you had to trudge up to get what you wanted. The leadership books I read focused on How a leader thinks and What to concentrate on. This approach, for this vision, was how to improve thinking itself. It was raising awareness and extending consciousness. How in the world do you measure that? It occurred to me that the vision boards and the affirmations were two-dimensional representations. This growth was growth from inside to outside, not outside to inside. As such, two-dimensional thinking would be inadequate. It involved three dimensions!

I put in my application with my money, but I had no assurances that I would be chosen. In the meantime, I studied the materials that were sent out. I took part in the discussions online. I had been a part of the Empowered Women’s Inner Circle for a while by then, and I was regarded as the “genius” of the group. I am no genius, but my learning method has brought me insight into many different disciplines of thought. The members of that group would be discussing a topic, and I’d have the facts available since many of these topics were those I had taught. All the women in this group are wise, innovative, resourceful, empathetic, and goal-oriented. But it is not skills they seek in this group, it is improving their thinking. This group was made up of exactly the type of people I needed to associate with. These were exactly the issues I needed to face. AND, as a bonus, I liked all of them!

Throughout this waiting period, we were informed that over one hundred people had applied for acceptance into the very rare air that was this Coaching Academy. I was not optimistic about my chances. With the discussions and the study, I had stretched my awareness and my consciousness had awakened a new approach to the circumstances in my life. I was responding rather than reacting. I was considering options and choosing actions and words and it was becoming more instinctive with practice. My awareness of my individual strengths and weaknesses, my insights into how I thought, and my observation of how those people around me thought grew. With all the study I was doing (it’s self-paced) I had to design a discipline that would allow for the reflection and deep-diving into the thought processes. By doing this, I was seeing some real, tangible, credible growth in my thinking. It enabled me to reflect on my experiences and see them in a different light. It moved me to change my perspectives.

Then, wonder of wonders, I was informed that I was one of the chosen. I would become a Founding Member of this Coaching Academy! Only 20 of the 100 applicants were accepted. I was floored! Now the real work would begin! He sent out the teaching modules on coaching: the premise behind the idea of coaching, the approach, why and how it worked, and how to improve. It made my brain sweat. I would spend 15 minutes watching a module and answer the basic questions that ascertained that the material had been duly read and digested. Then there were self-assessment questions that gave me the chance to show my understanding of the material. These were deep questions that required thought, and the act of responding to these questions brought back memories of essays from English Composition. There had to be a structure and a point, and the best way to express the concept would be in story form so it had to have a plot. So, in addition to the 15-minute module, I had another hour or so of that exercise. AFTER THAT (wait, there’s MORE) I had to answer application questions that were even more involved! This set of questions often took more than 2 hours to answer. Then, at the end of the module that might include several teachings, there was an assessment that took about 2 1/2 hours to go through! In addition to the group discussions in the EMIC and EWIC groups, the new calls involved the philosophical approach and solving problems before they became problems. I was having to take a nap after each session!

Ever-so-slightly, I noticed that my mental acuity was improving. Each exercise planted a seed of growth in my mind. Soon, my weeds were gone, and now I had an English Garden.

So 8 months after I had that first glimmer of a vision of me in the future, I was there, in England with 20 of the brightest minds in the business. I’m STILL excited!

This is where I stayed:

This is where I got advanced training in coaching techniques and practical matters to help me stay in business. But I haven’t even finished the first half of the material I need to pass the accreditation. I have a lot of modules to get through, lots of exercises to do, practice sessions, reflection, self-assessment to get through, and many conversations…But I already have a vision for what will occur in August at the next summit meeting. I already have a glimmer of what kind of person I will become after that. I’m seeing people reacting to the person I have become, and I believe they see a difference in me too.

If you want to move from 2-dimensional vision boards, SMART goals, and affirmations to 3-dimensional thinking, I know how to get you there. In fact, YOU know how! I can show you a way to tap into that inner resourcefulness and become the person that lives in YOUR vision.

If you want to eat right, move.

Yes, I’ve started a new eating program. It’s supposed to help me keep on a KETO diet and avoid raising my blood glucose measurements which are averaging about 150 when normal is below 100. So I signed up for this program to help me make smart menu choices.

I spent $60 on two meals yesterday. And a lot of the things on the grocery list were prohibitively expensive. I spent over $10 for 3 cups of ground flaxseed meal. I had to have fresh asparagus. I was bad and cut up a single Roma tomato instead of buying 16 cherry tomatoes for $5. I bought frozen cod and that gives me 4 meals for $15. I have to start an herb garden to have fresh parsley, basil, sage, dill… I wondered if it would kill me to use 3 rings of a white onion instead of a red one because they specified red, and there weren’t any available at the store.

If I buy peanut butter, it has to be organic without added sugar and comes in a tiny jar 6-8 oz for $6. I had to have organic mushrooms, a specific type of garlic, almond milk…

And the almond milk you get is 98% water. Well, I guess so is milk from a cow. It costs $6/gal and about $2/gal for cow’s milk. Oh and healthy? Look at the ingredients: Organic Almondmilk (Filtered Water, Organic Almonds), Sea Salt, Tricalcium Phosphate, Gellan Gum, Organic Locust Bean Gum, Vitamin A Palmitate, Ergocalciferol (Vitamin D2), Dl-alpha-tocopherol Acetate (Vitamin E), Cyanocobalamin (Vitamin B12). Oh and check out cyanocobalamin: The most common man-made form of vitamin B-12 (cobalamin) in supplements is cyanocobalamin and although this form includes a cyanide molecule, it is very safe. … Even at a very high dose, it would provide about a thousand times less cyanide than is toxic, and the cyanide is excreted in the urine. This milk is to be preferred opposed to the unhealthy but organic milk from a cow.

Check these ingredients (prepare to be shocked!) Organic Milk, Vitamin D3.

ANNNNYYYWAY, in order to eat “healthy” I have to spend 2x what I normally do in order to get the specialty items.

To be fair, I was expecting to have to spend 1-2 hours preparing these specialty meals, but they only take 20-40 min. If I wanted to get everything on my list, I’d have to go to some specialty food store across town or have it delivered (which adds a whole bunch to the cost.)

Here’s the thing. Very few of these ingredients can be found for a reasonable price in your local grocery store. Heck, I can find foods from Guatemala and Mexico and Taiwan and Nairobi but I cannot find red onions today. So to have a steady supply of the ingredients for my new menus, I have to move to NYC, or LA, or follow my daughter Jo around to her favorite food stores in Pittsburgh.

How did we Rounds kids ever survive my mom’s cooking? She didn’t weigh anything. She didn’t spend hours reading labels and looking for plant alternatives and low sodium and low carb and high protein and…

Advanced Coaching

No, it won’t be about getting your football team to the National Championships.

Hmmm, wait–maybe it will!

Coaching someone is different than mentoring or teaching/training or psychological analysis. Coaching is about triggering something inside your student, player, employee, or client that allows them to improve their performance. It is opening that awareness that allows you to play better as a team. It is exciting that desire that will allow you to overcome self-limiting beliefs to achieve your goals. (Whoa, cliche much?) Translated into normal speak: It brings the destination of who you want to become into view, to allow you to believe that what you want is achievable. It is making the impossible possible because it gives the person the awareness that they have the power within them to change.

Case in point:
Little Betsy plays the trumpet. It is almost too heavy to hold, and she can only get honks on it. Instead of the teacher circling every mistake and correcting her embouchure and yelling “Blow!!!” at this 5th-grader, her teacher acts as a coach and asks questions.

1. What did it feel like?
2. What did it sound like?
3. What did you do differently?
4. How many notes did you miss? How can you remember them next time?

Yes, there will be times when the teacher has to fill in the gaps in her knowledge, but Little Betsy will be a much better musician than her peers in a couple of months because, through her teacher’s coaching, she has developed an awareness. She has learned to listen and pay attention to her own playing, and she will be developing her consciousness of the music around her in her elementary band. Will she become a professional musician? Probably not, but that doesn’t matter. She will enjoy the music she produces and will discover an appreciation of the music she listens to…Pop, Jazz, Hip hop, Rap, Classical, Medieval Gregorian Chant… She may even venture into composition!

Bobby wants to play basketball in the worst way. He has reached his goal…yes, he plays very badly. He’s also 5’2″ tall. He cannot play basketball. Why not? He gets coaching help from a brilliant coach and his awareness explodes! You do NOT have to dunk to play basketball well! This is a revelation. He goes to his coach and tells him he wants to work on skills that will be valuable to the team and are not dependent on his height. His coach helps him develop his ball-handling skills. He asks Bobby these questions:

1. What does it feel like when you dribble correctly?
2. Can you dribble faster? How would you go about it?
3. Can you pass faster and with more accuracy? What would you do to improve that?
4. How would you go about guarding a guy 1 1/2 feet taller than you?
5. Would stealing the ball be easier if you have better skills than the person you’re guarding?
6. How fast can you change direction when you’re running? Can you do that while dribbling? How would you improve that?
7. How High do you think you’d have to jump? How would you go about improving your current jumping skills?

Now Bobby is aware of his teammates’ positions on the floor. He knows who is open and who can shoot from where they are. He avoids having the ball stolen from him and because he can dribble like a demon; no one can block his passes. He may have increased his jump height so he can deny a shot from the opposing player. Of course, that freaks out the whole opposing team. He is his team’s secret weapon. When they announce the players at the beginning of the away game, and he stands between his buddies who are a foot taller than he, and the crowd snickers, he knows that the home team crowd is thinking, “Oh boy are THEY in for a surprise!” Can Bobby apply these skills to something outside of basketball? If his coach is on it, and if he asks the right questions, you can bet on it. In both cases, the music student and the athlete, they are playing to their strengths. Awareness IS a strength.

But coaching is not just for athletes and student musicians. Who asks you questions that make you more aware of your strengths, your aspirations, your perceptions, or your consciousness? You don’t have teachers that do that anymore. Are you a better person than you were ten years ago? How about five years ago? two months ago? What have you read, watched, or participated in that stretched your thinking? Do we stop improving our thinking just because there isn’t a test? News Flash! There’s always a test! It just may not be written! Isn’t the purpose of school to improve your thinking, not to just cram more stuff into your brain? Aren’t you supposed to relate the information you have gleaned from your studies to your everyday life?

Learning in school is not the facts you accumulate to pass the test, it’s the way you prepare to gain awareness and the growth you will need in your experience after school. But unless you know what questions to ask yourself, you live day to day without stretching your skills, your mindset, your perception. That’s why there is so much burnout in adults. You graduate from high school at 18 or 19, then, for some, four or more years in college, then you spend about 15 years in your chosen profession. No growth, no developing awareness, a closed consciousness… And now you believe everything you see on Facebook. Your windows to the world close to pinpoints. This is where the mid-life crisis rears its ugly head. The fact that there IS a mid-life crisis is PROOF that you have stopped your growth and development as a person! And the fact that the existence of a mid-life crisis has become normalized is absolutely frightening!

What happens in a mid-life crisis? A person wants to re-invent himself or herself. They might buy a flashy car, go on a dream vacation, have an affair, quit their jobs, gamble away their savings… They want to start over. But what they are really saying is that they want to recreate the feeling they had when they graduated and knew absolutely everything and nothing was out of their reach. They just don’t realize that nothing has ever been out of their reach; they just haven’t become the person they needed to be to reach for it. They stopped growing, experiencing, and appreciating.

A coach, if they’re not a fraud or a con man, will ask you these uncomfortable questions:

1. What do you want in life?
2. Is that all?
3. Why is that important to you?
4. What would it feel like? look like?
5. What would you have to do to get this? What kind of person would you have to become?

And the coach won’t stop there. What you want in life might not be the first thing that pops into your head. What you currently think you want in life might NOT be what you truly want; it might be just a visible aspect of something deeper. The premise is that to get something, you have to do something. But that is shallow at best. To DO something significant requires you to BE someone significant. This requires growth in your thinking that will substantially change your outlook on life, your perception of your world, and your power to mold it into the life you want. Do you ask yourself those questions? Are you satisfied with the most cursory of answers?

To get those answers, you don’t seek a mentor, because though you may want the lifestyle of a person, you have differing backgrounds, experiences, and perceptions. You can’t have his life any more than he could have yours.

To get those answers, you don’t seek a teacher, because though they can fill in the gaps in your knowledge, they do not usually teach you how to think into the deepest areas of your consciousness. If you’re still working, and you want to quit or retire and start your own business, they can provide some information you need to be successful, but they cannot make you into the person you have to BE to be successful. You have to change your mindset from employee to entrepreneur and that is a huge shift in your thinking.

To get those answers, you don’t seek a psychologist. They look back into your past to explain your present. They might be able to project your future, but though they may bring new awareness into why you ARE the way you are, they cannot help you BECOME who you want to become.

To be designated as a coach, I am taking a course that leads to accreditation by the EMCC, The European Mentoring and Coaching Council. I must take online classes to fill my brain with good practices and processes. But obviously, that cannot be the be-all and end-all of certification. Anyone can pass a test. So once we have the basics of good coaching down intellectually, we have to work on the practice in order to develop a sense of the art of coaching. It requires that we give and receive coaching under supervision. It’s like an apprentice arrangement. Then we are evaluated. If we pass, then we move on to evaluated live coaching where we are observed coaching an actual client. If we pass that and have spent the requisite time in reflection and examination, learning, and self-assessment, then we get a certification that is very exclusive. 100 people wanted to put in an application for this certification, but only 43 qualified. Of those 43 applicants, only 20 were accepted. (I was one of those accepted! Yay!)

You cannot simply go on the internet and proclaim yourself to be a coach. Unless you are a con artist, It is a time-consuming, arduous process. It is also very expensive. But who would go to college to get a degree and be surprised that it cost money? Who thinks that becoming an MD requires just daytime classes and no internship or residency? Who thinks that taking the CPA test is easy enough to be passed without extra study and tutoring? It will take me 12 months of hard work, but I should be certified by the end of December. And that’s not the end of it, because the learning never stops. There are weekly calls, continuing education, and occasional summits and updates.

If you want to avoid that mid-life crisis; if you want to self-actualize; if you want to be a significant force in your universe; you must get a coach.

The Fear Factor

I belong to an eclectic group of women who are entrepreneurs and coaches. They are absolutely brilliant! For instance: Tuesday we were discussing Machiavellian Philosophy! Really!

He said,

“Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved”

and also:

“it is much safer to be feared than loved because …love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.”

This discussion has already inspired one blog post, and now, it has inspired a realization! When you look on Facebook or the news or the rhetoric, you will see lots of threats out there. One side insists you should be afraid of COVID and to protect you from this dread disease (and it does kill lots of people and causes permanent damage in others!) the country will mandate safety measures. The other side insists you should be afraid that the government is whittling away your rights and freedoms for their own nefarious purposes. Remember when you could go to the airport and sit with your loved ones at the gate until they got on the plane? Remember when you didn’t have to remove belts, change, shoes, pins, purses, or briefcases to go into a courthouse or a sporting event? Those restrictions were added to prevent people from crashing a plane into a building or shooting up the venue.

In discussing the philosophy of fear Tuesday, we found it to be true that fear and love cannot occupy the same space. The cure for fear could be as simple as a hug, a shoulder to cry on, or just sitting and listening. The cure for love is suspicion, uncertainty, and fear.

This started with the Viet Nam War. We were told this was a just cause. But it wasn’t a clear-cut situation by a long shot, and we were exposed to the uncertainties, the barbarism, and the horrors of war. How? By videos shot by the newsmen in-country. The main focus was that you couldn’t trust the government. Then, you couldn’t control the government. Then there was the Democratic Convention in Chicago that erupted in riots. Once again, the cameras were rolling. You could not trust the police. It was the age of protest. You couldn’t trust the Church. Your personal rights and freedoms were being trampled by the people you were supposed to depend on.

What was the source of all this fear? THE MEDIA! It is often called the Fourth Estate. Our government is divided into the Executive Branch, the Legislative Branch, and the Legal Branch, and they are all supposed to be equal to each other in power so no one has exclusive say in every matter. The Executive branch makes policy, but then it has to be ratified by the legislature to make sure it is good for the people they represent. Then it has to pass the legal test to see if it conforms to the Constitution. The Legislature decides where money is spent and how programs are to be administered. It can be either vetoed or endorsed by the Executive branch and either accepted or challenged by the Legal branch. The Legal branch can set up a ruling but it cannot make a law. Seems pretty balanced, doesn’t it? The media, however, is not chosen by the people nor appointed by the government. It exists to make money. The purpose is to keep the public informed, but there are no regulations on how it is supposed to do that.

Look at the fear-mongering and follow the logic. What party benefits from the fear of communism/socialism and the removal of inalienable rights? Do they get money? Do they get compliance? Do they get outrage from their constituents? They may get another seat in the house or senate, but it doesn’t really profit them. What party benefits from the fear of unchecked disease, false reporting of statistics, inaccurate information? The same results as the other party. What does the media get for spreading fear on both sides? Advertising dollars! The media profits from working the fear aspect on both sides of every issue!

Who, then, is the ultimate ruler? The people with the most power? It ISN’T the politicians and the rich–they may have a small influence, but they cannot control the media. Who is ruling by fear then? The Media. They gain power through their constant feeding of the Fear Machine they have created. They get rich and influential enough to control what we see and hear, and they don’t care about the outcome or the effect it has on the people of this country. They care about power, money, and influence, and they rule absolutely based on Machiavellian concepts. They are not responsible to the people they serve. Their only oversight is presumed self-governance and integrity. Integrity has not, as such, played an important part in what is reported and how. They influence policy; they influence elections; they influence buying trends; they influence fashion and style; they influence our treatment of people who are not like us; they influence how and which laws are to be enacted; they influence how we react to such laws.

The messages we get saying “Don’t trust the media!” get changed to “Don’t trust THAT media, ours is right…”

So here we are, sitting in the middle.

1. Don’t trust the politicians
2. Don’t trust the rich
3. Don’t trust the poor
4. Don’t trust your employers
5. Don’t trust the unions
6. Don’t trust the Church
7. Don’t trust the foreigners
8. Don’t trust science
9. Don’t trust big pharma
10. Don’t trust your doctors
11. Don’t trust your friends or family
12. Don’t trust your acquaintances if they do not believe 100% like you on every issue
13. Don’t trust people whose first words include, “You must trust me!”

You’re not paranoid if everyone really is out to get you. You are much more inclined to be influenced if you are isolated.

And who is spreading this fear? The media. And who profits? The media. And what do they gain? Influence, power, and money.

The Haunting

https://amanpan.com/2021/10/21/eugis-weekly-prompt-haunting-october-21-2021/

It kept coming back

I had no control

It would be there at a sight

a sound

a smell.

It overrode the programming

It conflicted with events

It chilled me to the bone

It filled me with remorse

It threatened my sanity

and I fought it.

I fought it with activity

with thought

with distraction

with conversation…

but

It kept coming back.

No one but I could hear it

No one but I could feel it.

It wasn’t real to them,

It was overpowering to me.

What was it trying to tell me?

Why did it always return?

Addams Family Waltz…

Bouquet

https://amanpan.com/2021/09/16/eugis-weekly-prompt-bouquet-sept-16-2021/

Bouquet, nosegay, posy

Grouped and fastened together.

Visually pleasing and

Beautifully arranged

or dandelions held together

with a hair tie.

Clover and violets

in a child’s hand,

Roses and carnations

arranged and pinned

to a prom dress.

A sanctuary full

to the brim with lilies.

Close your eyes.

Breath in the fragrance

of all those flowers

combined into

Something Unique!

We mix together

wonderous variety

in color, thought,

emotion, and service.

Together we make

a bouquet of

humanity.

It’s the variety

that makes the fragrance

extraordinary and visually

stunning.

Let’s be a bouquet!

How do you know when it’s dark?

This is Suicide Prevention Month. We have to have a whole month dedicated to keeping people from killing themselves.

If you see someone that’s down, offer them a hug. Ask them how they’re feeling. Offer to help.

Killing yourself is selfish. You hurt the people around you.

Count your blessings! Look at all you have to live for!

This is BS.

Normal people will look depressed and it’s temporary. It’s an easy fix. Depressed people have been depressed for a while and suppressed that look. Who would have known that Robin Williams was depressed? Increased alcohol and drug use? Addicts are really good at hiding those things. So if you see someone that’s normal and happy, there’s a good chance they’re not. They’re good at acting normal because they don’t want to be a burden to anyone. Oh. Well, that complicates matters.

When you’re depressed, you think you’re already hurting the people around you. You want to stop failing those that depend on you. You want to stop causing them pain. You want to remove your foul influence on your family and those folks unfortunate enough to hang around you. The most unselfish thing you could do is take yourself out of the picture. Yes, they’d be sad for a bit, but ultimately, they’d feel relieved, wouldn’t they?

Count your blessings? Are you kidding me? When you’re suicidal, you believe that all the good things that come your way are undeserved. You have received things you didn’t earn. You feel guilty for anything good in your life. You didn’t do anything to deserve that spouse, that friend, that child, that job. You can’t possibly live up to their expectations. What do you have to live for? Constantly falling short? Disappointing everyone you know. Disappointing everyone you don’t know! Trapped in a situation you hate and have no control over…bad job or health situation or bad relationship with relatives or family members. This list can be as long as your arm. The future looks hopeless.

The first thing a depressed person might do is isolate himself so he doesn’t ruin someone else’s day/week/life. It brings his little world more under his control. People make the decision to end their lives with a feeling of hopelessness, an emotion they do not think they can control. They defend this decision logically. So even if the logic makes no sense to someone who isn’t depressed, it makes sense to the person. They have their arguments all lined up and prioritized. So they self-isolate and close off connections to “stop the bleeding” and protect those people around them. They do not realize the consequences of this type of thinking. They just make their world small enough to accommodate their worldview.

What if you’re forced into isolation? You don’t have that social network to keep your spirits up and keep you connected to people who care about you. Then you notice that people you thought were close do not extend their connection to you. People you thought were friends do not text or call or Facebook with you. You begin to wonder how much they really cared. You may not even consider reaching out to them because you think that it is something they should initiate. Your world gets smaller.

The product of isolation, especially now that we have internet and instant communications is that we no longer have to see facial reactions and body language. You don’t need that filter between your head and your mouth. Things you NEVER would have even brought up in polite conversation are spewed all over your profile. When people you thought were friends suddenly block you, you may think that it’s their fault. Not yours. You know it’s a two-way street, so you also know you share the blame. Your world, again, grows smaller.

You begin to think about the extreme behavior you now see in the news, the vitriol spread through the media, the rampant paranoia, and the injustice, and gradually, the conspiracy theories become more palpable. You begin to abandon those social niceties you had to adopt when in public. Pants become optional. (This is a metaphor… Things you would have kept private and to yourself are now on display to anyone with whom you make contact.) You can see how this isolation has affected normal people. Now imagine if it was self-imposed.

What steps can we take to consciously reduce that feeling of hopelessness?

1. Be kind to each other. I know this sounds like a poster, but it’s such a simple step. I don’t mean to belabor this point, but being kind goes deeper than patting someone on the head saying, “It will be all right.” Go out of your way to make the people around you feel good about themselves. Show appreciation genuinely. Praise in public and critique in private. Never call names! Never Bully someone! It is the cruellest thing you can do to a person.
2. Be grateful for everyone and everything in your life. Even if it isn’t ideal. This change in perspective is also simple, but not easy. Gratitude has to be practiced. But how does your gratitude help someone who’s depressed? You are modeling a behavior that shows a different perspective. You may express gratitude to a person that doesn’t feel noticed, whose work gets no appreciation, whose circumstances seem hopeless. You might be a source of hope and help to someone you may not suspect needs it.
3. Take the time to connect with those around you who may feel more and more isolated. A postit note with a cheery message or a thank you note can brighten someone’s day. A text that says “I thought of you and wanted you to know how much I value your… (fill in the blank.)” A hand-written thank you note is unexpected and always appreciated.

It sounds like so little, but it also sounds like it would take much time for unnoticed results. What’s weird is that when you do any of these things, they also bring up your mood as well.

The fact is you cannot tell when someone is experiencing that darkness. In fact, if you are on that slippery slope to the darkness, you may not even know it until you’ve slid in a distance!

If someone confides in you about their feelings of suicide, do not argue with them! It makes them feel more guilty and more likely to defend their actions.

You find someone in the bathroom sobbing… “What’s wrong?”

“My girlfriend just left me! I can’t go on without her! I’d rather just die.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. But there are lots of fish in the sea. She didn’t deserve you. Just get back on the horse. You’ll be fine. Well, Nice talk.”

Um…That would be disastrous.

If, instead, you replied, “I’m sorry to hear that! How long were you together?
“What did you like about her?”
“Where did you meet?”
“How did she make you feel?”
“Was this a surprise?”
“What did she say?”

You see? You are encouraging this person to talk, not listen. At this point, you can direct them to a counselor or a pastor who can help them recover. You are not making judgments on their choices. You are not trivializing their problems. You are not prescribing behavior that they know they cannot incorporate.

In these times of trouble, when threats to our security, our health, and our freedoms seem overwhelming, if you treat everyone (including yourself) with the utmost care, you can alleviate some causes of depression in not only yourself but those around you. Let’s work to reduce these suicides.

Just a little blood

https://dailyflabbergast.wordpress.com/2021/07/22/cw-listen-to-your-3lders/

• Genre: Horror
• Action: Shaving
• Required word: filter

No murder weapon. No motive. Just a dead, bloodless body in the tub.

He was so young, not even fifteen years old. How could something so horrible happen to a kid. The detectives studied the room, the body, the members of the household. They looked at diaries and phone records. Everyone loved the victim. There were no grudges.

The investigator removed the plug for the tub, and there, in the filter, something glinted. He used a magnet to retrieve it. A razor blade.

“Son? How did you cut your fingers?”

“I was just going to shave him…”

Just fifteen.

Unforgotten

https://amanpan.com/2021/07/15/eugis-weekly-prompt-unforgotten-july-15-2021/

Unforgettable–that’s what you are.

Unforgettable–though near or far…

Nat and Natalie

Father and Daughter

A duet separated by

time and space.

Friends

Family

Memories from

decades ago.

Little things we experience

that bring those people to mind.

The smell of rolls

The crunch of gravel

The sun’s reflection on the lake.

Jesu Joy from the

balcony at midnight.

The night spent in

the car in Idaho.

Joe Morello in our

Living room.

Band Camp.

The wedding music and

your eyes glistening.

St. Paul’s outside

the Walls in Rome.

The time and space

between us melts

away.

Unforgettable, in every way.

Meadow

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/60360547/posts/3374474701

Cool breeze

Mottled sunlight through the trees

Birdsong

footsteps on gravel

A shiver in the cool mountain air

Alone with my thoughts

Doubts, fears, disappointments

Long hike

Clear my head?

Not working

Dark and quiet

A sigh and the trail disappears

Just around the curve

Suddenly

The mountains loom!

The flowers in bloom!

A riot of color!

Miniscule flowers

Sound of bees.

A warmth of the sun

The deep turquois of the lake

Little icebergs floating nonchalantly

My troubles are like those icebergs.

White and beautiful on the turquois lake

It’s the contrast that makes the lake beautiful

It’s the troubles that make me realize how

amazing this life is.

I don’t fear the dark forest

I close my eyes and see the meadow.