I had to make that statement. When we make our New Year’s Resolutions, we are painting a picture of our future: What we’re going to do, have, learn, improve…
We put our resolutions down into a brand-new planner. We write our goals and the intermediate milestones and our plans to get there. WE HEREBY RESOLVE THAT…this year will be different, better, more profitable, and more fun. Why are these wonderful visions of our better selves abandoned after a couple of months?
Try to find a parking space at the gym in January. Go back in March. Check out the produce aisle in the grocery store in January…very little lettuce, carrots, zucchini, kale, onions… Everyone is going on a salad diet. Oops? Go back in March. Check out the section in the pharmacy for nicotine patches in January, then again in March. This is the time when financial gurus make the most investments other than tax time.
As I said in an earlier post, most of these resolutions are incomplete. They only look good on paper because they are two-dimensional. We focus on the results that we can see. Therein lies the problem. To reach those lofty goals, you have to become someone worthy of those goals. It is not the goal or the path that makes you successful, it is what you become to bring that goal into three dimensions.
So you want to be slimmer? What kind of person do you need to become to bring that into being? What kind of habitual thinking got you into your current shape? Since you wish to be slimmer, some of those thoughts did not serve you well. You need to replace those with some that do. You’re looking at the water stains on the ceiling in your living room. You can paint over those, but you haven’t solved the problem…there’s a leak. Bandaids don’t help broken legs. Putting gas in a car without a working transmission won’t make the car go.
If you focus, instead, on what you need to become to bring about the change you wish to see, things will start to open up for you.
So in Calling Forth your year, you’re not yelling into the void of space to bring you what you want. You’re pulling inspiration, imagination, resources, and determination from within yourself. What kind of person do you need to become to have what you want, to improve your mental and physical health, to allow you to relate better to your family and friends?
I went back to the gym today. It’s the first time since Covid in March of 2020. I may be sorry.
I had to establish a baseline for my initial exercises. I was supposed to do a gradual increase to see which weights I could lift easily until I got to one where it was really taxing.
I’m doing lat rows from bent over position on a bench and got to 5# each arm, then, since that was easy I thought I’d go to 15#. Someone had stolen all the 15# weights in the whole gym! Got to 20# though for 20 repetitions. 1st time in the gym for 3 years (since March of 2020).
Then I’m doing max weights today for bench press, and I got to 65# for 5 reps.
Then I did chair squats. Stand up, then take 10 seconds to sit.
Wt 202. (includes shoes and workout clothes, so no I didn’t strip.) Oh and I weighed at home because Someone stole the scales. Unbelievable!
Last September I had a vision. I was in the Entrepreneurial Mastery Inner Circle. It’s a group of entrepreneurs that discuss how to be more successful in their businesses, and the main business they have in common is the coaching business. The founder of the group wanted to get a Coaching Academy going that would educate the public on what coaching really was all about, accredit aspiring coaches, and stretch them in their performance to become elite influencers.
What was that vision I had? At first, it was a picture that CS had provided…the association of highly competent coaches who not only had amazing skills getting people closer to their ideal performance level, but their businesses were thriving. People came to them for the best service. They weren’t begging for clients or involved in discount price wars. They could do What they wanted, When they wanted, With Whom they wanted, at the Price they wanted, If they chose to do business at all. We would get together for an intense seminar to give us not only the coaching techniques and skills but the business acumen we’d need to stay in business. I got a glimmer of that vision right then.
But there were hoops to go through, challenges to face, an intellectual gap to fill, and a heavy price to pay. I have probably mentioned my learning method (feganmethod.com), so I knew I could handle the intellectual gap. I am also a financial guru of sorts, so the hefty price was something I could arrange. I expected to get a return on my investment to more than compensate for the cost. Things outside of my control? There was an application process that included an interview, and I was told that not everyone would qualify. From being involved in those calls from the Entrepreneurial Mastery Circle, I knew there were many people in that group that were much more qualified than I with more experience and making much more money. They were charging $100/session and they had more clients. I had a teaching business and had never coached before. I was charging $100 per month! But that vision kept pulling me back, each time with more detail.
I knew that the person I saw in my vision was not the same one that faced me in the mirror. This was a different kind of goal that I’d never gone after before.
If you have a job or a business, you are probably familiar with goal setting. You understand dream boards or vision boards. You have probably discovered affirmations you tack to your bathroom mirror and recite before you go to bed. You probably keep a pencil and paper by your bedside in case you come up with the cure for cancer in the middle of the night. You write down the 6 most important things you have to do the next day. Those are all measurable and can be put into a list that enables you to check things off. They get you to your goal of success however you define it.
This goal I was looking at, to get accepted into this Coaching Academy, was not like anything I’d ever come across in those motivational seminars I had attended every 6 weeks for 15 years. This goal was not like all those self-help gurus who told us to find our “Why?” to discover our “How?” and improve our lives. They all involved concrete steps that you had to trudge up to get what you wanted. The leadership books I read focused on How a leader thinks and What to concentrate on. This approach, for this vision, was how to improve thinking itself. It was raising awareness and extending consciousness. How in the world do you measure that? It occurred to me that the vision boards and the affirmations were two-dimensional representations. This growth was growth from inside to outside, not outside to inside. As such, two-dimensional thinking would be inadequate. It involved three dimensions!
I put in my application with my money, but I had no assurances that I would be chosen. In the meantime, I studied the materials that were sent out. I took part in the discussions online. I had been a part of the Empowered Women’s Inner Circle for a while by then, and I was regarded as the “genius” of the group. I am no genius, but my learning method has brought me insight into many different disciplines of thought. The members of that group would be discussing a topic, and I’d have the facts available since many of these topics were those I had taught. All the women in this group are wise, innovative, resourceful, empathetic, and goal-oriented. But it is not skills they seek in this group, it is improving their thinking. This group was made up of exactly the type of people I needed to associate with. These were exactly the issues I needed to face. AND, as a bonus, I liked all of them!
Throughout this waiting period, we were informed that over one hundred people had applied for acceptance into the very rare air that was this Coaching Academy. I was not optimistic about my chances. With the discussions and the study, I had stretched my awareness and my consciousness had awakened a new approach to the circumstances in my life. I was responding rather than reacting. I was considering options and choosing actions and words and it was becoming more instinctive with practice. My awareness of my individual strengths and weaknesses, my insights into how I thought, and my observation of how those people around me thought grew. With all the study I was doing (it’s self-paced) I had to design a discipline that would allow for the reflection and deep-diving into the thought processes. By doing this, I was seeing some real, tangible, credible growth in my thinking. It enabled me to reflect on my experiences and see them in a different light. It moved me to change my perspectives.
Then, wonder of wonders, I was informed that I was one of the chosen. I would become a Founding Member of this Coaching Academy! Only 20 of the 100 applicants were accepted. I was floored! Now the real work would begin! He sent out the teaching modules on coaching: the premise behind the idea of coaching, the approach, why and how it worked, and how to improve. It made my brain sweat. I would spend 15 minutes watching a module and answer the basic questions that ascertained that the material had been duly read and digested. Then there were self-assessment questions that gave me the chance to show my understanding of the material. These were deep questions that required thought, and the act of responding to these questions brought back memories of essays from English Composition. There had to be a structure and a point, and the best way to express the concept would be in story form so it had to have a plot. So, in addition to the 15-minute module, I had another hour or so of that exercise. AFTER THAT (wait, there’s MORE) I had to answer application questions that were even more involved! This set of questions often took more than 2 hours to answer. Then, at the end of the module that might include several teachings, there was an assessment that took about 2 1/2 hours to go through! In addition to the group discussions in the EMIC and EWIC groups, the new calls involved the philosophical approach and solving problems before they became problems. I was having to take a nap after each session!
Ever-so-slightly, I noticed that my mental acuity was improving. Each exercise planted a seed of growth in my mind. Soon, my weeds were gone, and now I had an English Garden.
So 8 months after I had that first glimmer of a vision of me in the future, I was there, in England with 20 of the brightest minds in the business. I’m STILL excited!
This is where I stayed:
This is where I got advanced training in coaching techniques and practical matters to help me stay in business. But I haven’t even finished the first half of the material I need to pass the accreditation. I have a lot of modules to get through, lots of exercises to do, practice sessions, reflection, self-assessment to get through, and many conversations…But I already have a vision for what will occur in August at the next summit meeting. I already have a glimmer of what kind of person I will become after that. I’m seeing people reacting to the person I have become, and I believe they see a difference in me too.
If you want to move from 2-dimensional vision boards, SMART goals, and affirmations to 3-dimensional thinking, I know how to get you there. In fact, YOU know how! I can show you a way to tap into that inner resourcefulness and become the person that lives in YOUR vision.
The books we’ve written are rather diverse and so are our authors. There are between nine and 13 of us at any one time. The youngest is 28, the oldest in the 70s. We are housewives, social workers, grandmas, grandpas, single, married, PHDs, Bachelor’s degrees, Black, White, Brown…You get the idea? We shouldn’t even be friends, but here we are writing books together. Why? Because we all have these same challenges but a huge number of perspectives. Am I fearful because of uncertainty in the leadership and unforeseen circumstances over which I have no control? No, but one of the other authors is. Am I finding it hard to get off my couch after all this turmoil? Yes. But not everyone has that perspective.
What will it take for you to get to a point where you don’t feel stressed?
What would you read to get your head straight on your circumstances?
Where would you look for direction?
Can you identify with at least one of the authors of the books? Probably. If you could figure out how someone like you not only survived but thrived during these interesting times, wouldn’t you at least be curious?
The books are available at the Book Worm in Omaha (the same place Warren Buffett shops) and Amazon.
Spotlight on the Art of:
Grace
Resilience
Significance
Fear
Generating Energy
I confess: I looked into my crystal ball and KNEW 2 years ago that we’d be in a situation like we now face. Every one of those books has a nugget or 12 of insight that will help you cope.
People will put streams and fences and walls and people between themselves and happiness. Notice I say PUT.
Anne Frank spent 761 days in a tiny apartment with 7 others. They couldn’t leave the building and they had to be absolutely quiet during the day to avoid detection. And yet, she chose to be happy.
What is standing between me and happiness? Nothing. Happiness is not a conditional emotion. When I have this, then I will be happy. If something good happens, then I will be happy. If something bad doesn’t happen, then I will be happy. You cannot depend on things outside of your control to dictate your feelings.
It is ok to be sad, and mad, and depressed. But that shouldn’t be your default.
So what stands between you and happiness? Only the conditions YOU put in between you and a state of happiness. So don’t put anything in there. Don’t build walls and mountains and only-ifs in there. Why make it so difficult?
Measurable Progress applies in this case! More people falling ill or fewer? More people surviving or fewer? More people reconnecting with each other or everyone more isolated? How are we progressing? Are the steps we’re taking producing any results?
People are self isolating, self quarantining, except to go to the store and buy more toilet paper. I understand it now though. How many of you waited until you got to work and had your first 15 min break to use the bathroom? Ya, uhuh. See? We were all peeing on company time and using the company toilet paper. Who knows how much toilet paper you have to have to compensate for all the times you now have to go to your own bathroom? And all you folks that went to the restroom in the restaurants? And the movie theaters? And the doctors’ offices? We were unprepared to have to purchase our own toilet paper and of course we panicked! Did they do the math? “Honey? How much do you use every time you go?” “You mean you want me to count the sheets?” “Well…yes?” “And how often do you go every day?” Gets out calculator. Dang! We’d better stock up! And of course, since we never take our calculators to the grocery store, we don’t know how many 2-ply or 1-ply sheets per roll and how well they, ahem, do the job.
What else are we unprepared for? Breakfast at home instead of in the car? Nobody brown-bagged their lunches at work. You’d have to label them and protect them from getting stolen. Wait, colas cost that much in the store? What a rip off they charge that much in the vending machine!!! Actual food for dinner? You CAN have all your favorite foods delivered to you, but those delivery charges will really mess you up! You gotta save your money now because they don’t need you and so they won’t pay you. Oops? We were supposed to save our money BEFORE everything got shut down and we all lost our jobs? How were we supposed to do that? OH and BTW, glasses or cups work great for getting water from the tap. Free water instead of paying for it? Well DUH! If you can tell the difference between filtered, mountain stream water from the pristine pipes in Detroit and the stuff coming out of your sink, well, you have a better palate than I do! And it means less plastic in the landfill or the oceans.
ANYWAY, we all want to get back to Normal. Or do we? What is normal? Is normal just something we’re used to? Will those working from home really want to go back to the office? Will they really want to get up and dressed and spend money on gas and drive-thru to sit in a stifling cube all day? Why go to a building where it takes you 15 min to get to the bathroom when you can work 6 feet from the bathroom at home? Why spend an hour in rush traffic twice a day instead of just moseying into your office in your sweats? Aren’t you more relaxed and less distracted? If you have kids and a spouse and pets at home, those can be managed, the quiet is unsurpassed. With no place to go, it doesn’t matter what the gas prices are. HAHAHA! Take THAT OPEC! You can watch movies at home with the very best cub scout popcorn. You can cook with your spouse or SO. You can be adventurous and have stuff other than pizza and burgers.
Now even important meetings can be done remotely, and you can play solitaire during the boring parts. Check your email, change your status on FB. Just click your clicker when you need to.
Here’s the thing though.
NORMAL is the petri dish that made all this corona virus so virulent. Work this problem out. Find ways to be more efficient and actually enjoy the quarantine. Revel in your relationships with your spouse and kids. Enjoy the quiet. Work in your garden. Work puzzles together. Teach your kids how to play Monopoly and other board games. Get off your phone. Limit your time on the computer. Make a NEW NORMAL! It cannot go back to the way it was. The only way to put the worms back in the can is to get a bigger can. Once people have had to be innovative and resourceful, they may not want someone thinking for them. Once people have tasted self reliance, will they want to be dominated and made other-reliant again? Some will, some won’t.
“Write about a character who was raised in a musical family.” – a prompt for this week’s CW piece.
“F#!!!!” came from every corner in the house. I’d missed it, and everyone knew it. My mom taught piano and organ, my dad taught everything in the winds and percussion instruments. My dad could play every assignment I was working on by heart. Mom had perfect pitch and had to transpose it to Bb, but that didn’t slow her down. My brothers figured that if I’d made a mistake in that particular exercise they had a 2/3 chance it was an F#. Most trumpet tunes won’t go more than 3 sharps, and they could tell by the tune about what key it most likely would be. There was no escaping it.
My Grandma played the “Mother of the bride” for me at my wedding because my mom was playing the organ and my dad was directing the brass quartet. My mom’s grandmother was her “mother of the bride” because her mom played the organ for her wedding.
Our family played for Easter and Christmas and Reformation Sunday. Mom would arrange the music…2 trumpets, French Horn, Percussion (sometimes drums, sometimes marimba) and pipe organ. We sounded magnificent with those acoustics and mom’s arrangements.
All of us kids studied music in college–Morningside College and Illinois State for me, and Eastman School of Music for my brothers. Sooooo I was the black sheep. One brother taught at Kent State in the Percussion Department, and the other played Horn in the Pittsburgh Symphony. I got fired from every music job I held.
My folks were nice enough. “Oooh She’s a financial genius! She runs her own business!” I worked fast food to keep my studio open. I quit Fast Food to become a stockbroker (hence the financial genius) and got fired from that job. Then I joined an even bigger financial company and built my Dad’s portfolio up to where he was spending $2000/month out of his annuity and getting $2400 in interest. But I had to teach music. I was addicted. I reopened my studio in my house. The difference was that now, due to my financial business, I didn’t have to teach the kids that said, “I’m only here because my Mommy Makes ME!” Those went away really fast! My dream was to get some of my students into Eastman, but that will never happen. Dream crushed. My wish was to be able to bring in a 6 figure income from my financial business, but the desire to succeed was weak there.
I play every instrument. I sing. I speak 5 languages. I can discuss science, math, English literature, Renaissance Literature, Renaissance History/geography/culture. I have co-authored 5 books. I’m a Distinguished Toastmaster, but I’m still the black sheep of the family. Since Mom and Dad and one of my brothers are no longer living, the only one that knows that is me. My little brother doesn’t know I’m the black sheep.
But because I am a musician at heart, I can know and do all that other stuff. Music teaches you how to look at everything around you and to listen intently. Get your kids into music, then study it yourself. If you have a good teacher, the world will open up for you.
We’ve been doing a massive renovation of our house. I was scraping wallpaper, painting, moving furniture, packing, reorganizing, tossing large quantities of the things that were really really important that I hadn’t looked at in 2 decades. I hurt in every muscle for about 4 months! I got cramps in my back, in my arms and shoulders, my legs (from going up and down the ladders and balancing on the rungs) and my feet! There were times my toes wanted to cross each other, or the sole of my foot wanted to bend in 1/2! But NOW it’s DONE!
Now I can go to the gym on somewhat of a schedule! Yay?
I actually ran on the curve treadmill for 2 m. That’s two minutes, not two miles…and not continuously. I did 3 sets of 15 reps on the chest press (45 pounds), shoulder press (30 pounds) and lat pull machines (70 pounds). I did 3 sets of 15 woodchoppers on the rope machine at 15 pounds and 3 sets of 15 on the crunch machine at 90 pounds. Oh for crying in the mud. How can I still be sore if I was working all these muscles during the renovation?!!!
I tried Noom, but in the steps counter, I kept starting over because one day I’d be at 4500 steps and the next day at 185. I’m still at about 1200 calories/day–mostly yellow foods but sometimes I stray into the red zone. I’m allowed 350 cal of red food/day. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is 378 calories.
So now, I’m back to hungry and sore. How do I keep my attitude positive? My friends with fibromyalgia somehow manage to smile once in a while. I’m in awe!
I started this blog March of 2014. I was 208 pounds then, I’m at 214 now. I should change the name of the blog from “Measurable Progress” to “Measurable Change” because although things are changing, I’m really not progressing.
Weight Loss programs. Lose weight! Keep it off! Small steps, small goals. You gotta believe.
So I tried it. They give you little inspirational messages daily. They talk about your perception of food. They talk about psyche tips to help you overcome mental barriers. They encourage group support. There are manuals about exercise and food choices. Recipes. Coaching. I bet this works for most people.
Those that participate in the group discussions are frustrated that they’ve only lost 4-5 pounds in the first month. Some have lost 8-10 pounds. You have to weigh yourself every day. They give you a great incentive program…just walk 300 more steps today than you did yesterday. Ding! You’re at 10,000 steps! Woohoo! So why wouldn’t this work?
One of the things I’ve heard over the past 18 years is that “this program/job/self-improvement/learning system doesn’t work.” And over and over the people who run these programs/learning systems, etc., say it works if you work it. Ooops.
The one thing they stressed yesterday was that mistakes, setbacks, falling off the path are just that, not character flaws. Just like in music. This one student I was working with messed up her left hand going to the wrong chord repeatedly. Every time she got to that point in the music, she would panic and play the wrong note and say, “I’m so STUPID! Why can’t I GET this?! I’m hopeless!” I asked her why she was giving herself this rule? “What rule?” The rule that at this point in the music you MUST screw up. “I always mess up there” is a stupid rule to make. Practice this part, erase the circle, and say to yourself, “I’m glad I solved that problem. Now it’s my favorite part of the song!” So when the program doesn’t seem to be working, it’s because I’m not working the program. It’s not a character flaw, it’s a consistency problem that I do not choose to fix. Well, that’s a dumb idea.
Sooooo, 4 weeks and have not lost a single pound. Not 1. I’m still at 2000 steps, not 10,000. It does NOT matter if I average 900-1200 calories a day. If I eat the wrong stuff, I don’t lose weight, I just get tired at weird times of the day. It doesn’t matter if I go to the gym and do 6000 steps and do a weight-lifting circuit if I don’t repeat the process the next day.
What can I conclude? There IS a character flaw. At this point in time, it is easier for me to distract myself from a plan than to work it all the way through. This can have a detrimental effect on every project I have chosen for myself.
Conference Handbook
Transcribe some music
Clean and remodel the house
Develop a rose garden
Run a music business
Run a financial business.
Blog
So, TODAY and every day, my mantra is “Finish something today!” Even if it isn’t the full project, finish a part of it.
OMG. I have been cleaning and sorting and tossing and processing for DAYS. I have another 20 yd dumpster coming on Friday and I may need a 3rd one.
My problem comes up when I look at something that needs to be put away, and I don’t know where it goes. I can’t put that picture or postcard into a scrapbook because I don’t have a scrapbook. I do not want to go to JoAnn’s and buy a scrapbook and all the glue and glitter and cutesy stuff. For heaven’s sake, I threw out 3000 postcards I’d saved over the last 50 years! I hadn’t looked at them, I hadn’t processed them, I hadn’t organized them. They were pretty when I got them and I loved the sights and the insight into the culture they provided, but after that first glance, I never looked at them again.
I get an important notice from a bank or from my business and I know it’s important, and I need to take care of it, but I don’t know where it goes. If I put it into a folder, I have that and 50 other “important pieces of paper” in that same folder. I can’t find it when I need it–if I need it. In fact, I don’t remember where the folder is! I have obsessively taken notes on all the important phone calls I’ve made. They’re all on the same piece of paper until that one gets filled, then I put another on top of it. My keyboard legs no longer rest on my desk, they teeter on the pile of notes.
I have business cards from some very important people. I wonder who they are and why I have their cards. I have used up bank cards and store cards that I haven’t used in decades. I’m afraid to throw them out.
I have plaques and awards that are in a pile or in a box. No one ever sees them. I don’t need to look at them. The only time they were important was when I received them in front of people that knew and appreciated what they were. But who throws out trophies and plaques?
I have a dream board in my office. It has dust on it. It had a picture of my Senior Vice President sitting at his desk with a speaking bubble over his head saying, “Great job Becky! I’m so proud of you!” Something to aspire to, right? He hasn’t been in the business for a decade. I did have a cut-up credit card as part of this dream board, and I did cut it up. But now I have another one. It’s strictly for things such as hotel reservations and travel costs that I don’t want to pay for in cash. It has a low balance on it. (YAY!)
I get completely addled when I tackle a large project…too many things to do and no clear-cut starting place. I started in my office. I’ve made some progress, but now I find myself moving a pile from this flat space to that flat space and then ADDING to it. Ooops.
Just get started doing something.
Ok, well, I signed up for Noom. It has nothing to do with cleaning. I guess the “something” has to be more specific, hmmm? I’ll keep you posted.
Measureable progress 