Tag Archives: progress

I was raised differently

I follow several blogs.  A great many of them are success-oriented.  The interesting things they all have in common is that everyone is programmed from birth to be what they are now.  We all believe what we’re told between the ages of 0 and 6.  Our personality is set by age 6, and everything we do and think is what we’ve been told to do and think.  We put ourselves in bad places mentally and physically by our attitudes on life:

  • “Eat Drink and be Merry because tomorrow we Diet.  Wait… Die?”
  • “Life’s a Bitch and then you DIE.”
  • “When you Die you can’t take it with you.”
  • “You’ll never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul.”

The gist of this is that nothing we do on Earth matters, so you might as well enjoy your stinking life in your paycheck to paycheck job with your boring spouse and your over-scheduled kids.  Who wouldn’t want to take an automatic and shoot everyone in sight?!  There is no hope in this view of life.  But some people actually enjoy life.  That’s just wrong on so many levels.  They should feel guilty for how much time, freedom and money they have.  They should spend it on us because we have no time, no freedom and no money.  Why can’t we become people with time, freedom and money?  Because money is evil, or the root of all evil or the love of money is evil or something from that book that has the gold lettering and 2″ of dust on it.

  • “Money can’t buy you happiness.”
  • “Life would be better without money.”
  • “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.”
  • “The poor will be with us always…until they all die of course.”

It’s true–money can’t buy your happiness.  Neither can NO money.  Money represents trade.  I trade what I have in goods and services for what I want from someone else’s goods and services.  I cannot trade music lessons for carrots, but I used to trade it for 1 gallon of fresh milk (directly from the cow to me!  I had to pasteurize it myself) and 2 dozen brown eggs.  I trade what I have in talent and time for a substitute type of currency (little pieces of paper with pictures of famous people on them) that I can use to trade for carrots.  I don’t have to find someone with carrots that has an interest in guitar lessons.  Much handier.  I can trade information on finances with someone that wants to trade information on history.  Although it would be mentally attractive, I cannot make stew with historical information.

Turns out, I was programmed differently.  I have suffered from that all my life.  One of the most asked questions in my family as I was growing up was, “What do you think?”  Silly me.  I thought everyone had this kind of discussions at home.  I was an outcast because I actually thought that what I thought was interesting, in-depth, and had some sort of worth to the people who surrounded me.  I was wrong.  I found out I had been programmed wrong…bad code.  People were people and just wore different skins and hair.  Some were good at thinking, some were good at working with their hands.  People were fascinating creatures.  We don’t all think alike or believe alike or act alike, and that makes humans interesting.  Somewhere, sometime, some people became aware that since not everyone thought alike, some must be right and the rest wrong.  Oops.  And since I didn’t think like that, I was wrong and was ridiculed for it.

Let’s just settle this here and now.  I’m right.  Now let’s go on from here.  There is more than one way to accomplish things. It is ok to make money.  It is ok to enjoy yourself.  It is ok to want freedom and time to do things.  Work is fun when you contribute to your society.  There is no one way to do that.  It’s like Paul described the church in the bible (1 Corinthians 12:12).  The reason the rich get richer is because the rich think differently than the poor.  The rich trade thoughts and innovation for money, the poor trade time and effort.  The rich look for assets–things that provide multiple income streams.  The poor look for a 52″ flat screen and diversion and put their money into liabilities.  So you could have a large bank account and still be poor because you look at the money as an asset instead of a tool to accumulate assets.  You could have a 0 bank account and be rich because you can trade your time and effort for an asset that brings in money regardless of your attention to it.

Jim Rohn says that every child should have 2 bicycles–one to ride and one to rent.  The child doesn’t have to ride both bicycles, and doesn’t even have to ride one.  He might rent both of them!  Then he could use the money to buy a 3rd bicycle.  See?  He now has a revenue stream.  The maintenance and repairs on the bikes might bite into the revenue stream, but it wouldn’t stop it.  Sooooo, the kid with 0 money goes and does odd jobs for the neighbors to earn money to buy the 1st bicycle.  He rents out the bicycle because he can’t ride it while he’s doing the odd jobs.  He has an active income stream from his own efforts, and a passive income stream from his little brother who rents the bike from him.  The kid now uses the profit to buy a second bike, and now can ride further around the neighborhood to do odd jobs and increases his territory.  He enlists the help of one of the neighborhood kids to do some of the work, and though they split the profits, the kid still has to rent the bike to get to the jobs.  If kid II doesn’t figure out what kid I is doing, he continues with this arrangement as long as Kid I continues to get jobs and rent him the bike.  Kid I becomes fairly well off.  Kid II has money for movies and snacks.  Which one becomes rich?  Kid I’s little brother is without a bike since Kid I rents it out to the neighborhood boy to help with his business.  Kid I’s little brother gets his own bike the same way by selling lemonade on the corner.  Then he adds cookies to the stand.  Then he boxes up some of the cookies and sells those.  Then he hires a neighborhood girl to run the stand and opens a 2nd stand in the neighborhood down the street.  The children in that household have figured out what assets are.

Was I programmed like this?  Why, yes, yes I was.  I cannot bring myself to work for others.   I do not have a 6 figure income.  I have been to Europe 3 times since I was married.  I have been in every state except Hawaii and Louisiana.  I paid cash for the $1450 repair on the car for a compressor.  I have investments that grant me multiple streams of income.  I am not rich because I have a big bank account, I am rich because I have multiple assets.  I have time, freedom and enough money to do what I want.

Once you are aware that where you are you programmed yourself to be, and where you want to go is also programmable, write the program!!!

Advertisements

hmmm

I wrote that last one Sept 1, and then something happened and it didn’t publish.

Ok, well, published now.

End of 1st week:  It’s hard not to drink coffee/tea/pop and stick to water.  I went a week on this water experiment and then had some Mountain dew with my salad.  I couldn’t finish it.  It was way too sweet!  I had coffee with my breakfast, and could only drink a 1/2 a cup.  My body’s reacting to this in ways I didn’t predict.  Should be interesting.

Lips still feel sticky, but less so.

Gait

I have discovered that when I’m on an elliptical machine, I don’t limp.  I also don’t have to use my hands to steady myself so I don’t lose my balance.  I cannot do that on a treadmill. I went to my PT today and worked on some stuff–my normal routine.  I stretch my hamstrings and my uninjured leg is tighter than my recovering leg.  I lie on my side and do leg lifts with a weight, then on my back.  I did grand battements en croix with both legs. (Not at the same time…) Then, I had to do the 10 second sit down exercise 5 times.   I tend to lean to the right to stand and sit so less of my weight is over the recovering leg.  I have to concentrate really hard to do this.

I added another exercise today.  I stand on a 4″ box with my weak leg suspending my strong leg over the floor.  I then slowly bend my supporting leg until I can touch the ground with my foot, then stand again.  This is very hard for me.  The therapist was surprised that my injury was incurred in August.  Just ducky.  You should be much further along than this if your injury was last year!  Well, I’m not.   So fix me.  Ok, last exercise…walk on the treadmill for 5 min and don’t limp.  Only hold the support with your left hand, adjust your hips and don’t swing your leg.  OK, Walk NORMALLY.

6.crying

How can I get better without hurting?

No Pain, No Gain.  Am I pushing my muscles and tendons and ligaments to their limits?  No.  I am walking to my car, up the stairs in my house, out in my yard to move my hose for the new planties.  So why am I so sore?  Am I doing extra work at the gym?  Am I getting a thorough work out at the Physical Therapist?  Well…  10 min of my workout in PT is spent with a warm pack on my leg.  It is followed by about 5 min of deep tissue massage (which really hurts especially around the screws in my appliance).  I then have about 3-5 min of ultrasound therapy.  20 min of non active therapy.  40 min of marching, standing on 1 leg, battement tendus (French ballet term), doing step ups, a hip sled, and stretching exercises.  But it didn’t hurt the day of or the day after.  So why is it hurting now?  Why do I still limp?  Why am I so hungry?  oh wait, next blog…stay on topic kid!

I’m finding it difficult to locate my center of gravity.  It seems when I stand on my recovering leg that my center is to the left of my leg and I’m leaning over to compensate.  I try to move my hips so my center of gravity is center.  That is most uncomfortable. 50833843-image-of-young-overweight-person-doing-exercise-at-home-while-standing-with-one-feetPasse

So that isn’t me, but do you see how the upper part of the body is tilted over the right side of the standing leg?  It should be centered over the foot and the right hip extended further so the upper body is straight up and down like the dancer on the right.  Yes, she’s holding onto a barre, but she could hold that position without the barre as well.  I cannot seem to get myself into that position.

Heck, I can’t walk on a tread mill without holding on because of the limp.  Driving me crazy.  9 months now, beginning the 10th month of recovery.  What a pain.

Congratulations! You’re cured!

I don’t get that assessment very often.  I got it from my orthopedic doctor yesterday.  But Doctor, I still hurt.  “Yup.  You’re going to hurt.”  But Doctor, I still limp.  “Yup, you still limp.”  How am I cured?  “Your leg is no longer broken.”  Ah.

Then, from the Physical Therapist…”You know, eventually you’ll have to be doing exercises on your own to keep making progress.  You have to get to the point where you don’t need us any more.”

Maybe I should have washed the clothes I wear to the appointments…though I didn’t notice anyone’s eyes tearing up and heard no retching noises.

I did get new shoes yesterday.  They are supposed to compensate for my outward roll on my right foot and support my weak left leg.  Both have a very high arch support in them.  I feel like my foot is sliding off the center of the shoe.  They felt ok in the store though.  Is there a thing where when you cross the threshold, the shoes have a trigger that turns off the comfort level?  I guess I’ll find out if it works in a few days.

So for all intents and purposes, my leg is healed.  It still hurts to stand on it for any length of time, and I cannot go up and down stairs like I used to.  But…

IT’S PROGRESS!

 

Little by Little

Woohoo!  I am without crutches or cane for the most part!

My Physical Therapists, the inestimable Gina V and Noah, have been heating my operation site, and rubbing and needling, and general torture for about a month.  At one point, I felt I had an extra joint in my injured leg about 1/2 way from my hip to my knee.  It felt REALLY weird!  The lower quads bunched up to a rock just above my knee, and the upper quads didn’t seem connected to the lower.  Now it feels more like 1 muscle again.

I couldn’t walk much because my injured leg wouldn’t (and I mean absolutely refused to) hold my weight to allow my right leg to move.  I am gradually getting my gait back.  I still limp, but it’s much less pronounced.

This IS measurable progress!

Immeasurable Progress?

I am getting better.  Or not.

When I went to my doctor’s appointment, and I hobbled in on my crutch, she looked at me funny and asked, “Why are you still on that thing?”  Hmmm, that was most upsetting.  Last time, she said I was recovering well.  This x-ray showed the bone pretty much healed, and no little bone bumps from the appliance they had to put in.  No bone calluses, no screw-holes getting bigger or looser, no movement in the appliance was visible, so everything is fine.  Now, Walk.  “It still hurts.  It feels like I have an extra joint in my leg about mid thigh.”  “Oh?  Well, we can cut you open and go digging around to see what the problem is.”  !!!!!  “And it pops when I try to do stairs.”  “Oh?  Well we can send you to our joint specialist and he can dig around in there to see what the problem is.”  !!!!! 

None of those options seem like a good idea.  Maybe I ought to just suck it up buttercup.  I have been doing exercises to strengthen the muscles in my left leg.  I have done exercises to strengthen my core and my upper body too.  I can stand without my crutch and can hobble all over the house, but it’s not walking, it’s limping.  And it still hurts.  I need to stop complaining to everyone (she says complaining to everyone in PRINT on a BLOG.)  When people ask me when I should be off the crutch, I should just drop the stupid thing and walk (limp) away.  I shouldn’t have to explain my shortcomings and failures to heal to anyone.  No one is actually interested in WHY I still hurt or why I’m not progressing like a normal person that is done with the surgery and then done with the cane or crutch 4 months later.  Here I am at 2/15/17 after my accident 8/15/16, 6 months, and still on crutch.  Did I mention it still hurts?  Every step hurts.  Getting up from my chair, from the couch, from the pew hurts.  Standing hurts.  Sleeping without a pillow between my knees and ankles hurts.  I feel like the guy in Holy Grail.  People ask me how I’m doing and I say, “I’m not dead…”

Resolutions and Reflections

At this time of year, most people are saying to themselves, “Next year is going to be different!  I will NOT be doing such and so, I will NOT look like this,  I will NOT procrastinate (starting January 2nd because I’ll be too hungover to start January 1.)  How many reflect over the past year and see the successes?  Don’t most people make resolutions in January and by February or March they’ve already abandoned them?

I decided to reflect 1st.

  1.  I have been eating much more healthy than I did the previous year.
  2.  I have started drinking more water than I did daily the previous year.
  3.  My endurance on the stationary bike has increased over the past couple of months.
  4.  I am gradually weaning myself off my crutch after my hip surgery.
  5.  I am gradually getting back to doing things for myself like cooking and dishes.
  6.  I have read John Maxwell’s 21 laws 4 times and studied and passed the speaking platform training to become certified with John Maxwell Team.
  7.  I have started studying the coaching platform as well.
  8.  I finished the study of Revelation and have begun the study of John.
  9.  I have co-written a book and got published.
  10.  I am currently collaborating on a 2nd book.
  11.  I have taken on the duties of Division D Director for District 24 Toastmasters.
  12.  I have joined a 4th club.
  13.  I am close to finishing 2 more Competent Communicator manuals, a Competent Leader manual and 2 advanced manuals.
  14.  I have done more investments for my clients in the past couple of weeks than most in my company have done in a year.
  15.  I have replaced 4 of the 10 students I lost due to my hip surgery.
  16.  I have seen marked improvement in some of my special needs students.
  17.  I haven’t played a computer game for over 8 months now.

Hmmm.  That doesn’t look like the work of a loser.  Then I look at the stupid scale and I think to myself, “This machine cannot tell the whole story of my life over the past year.”

OK, so resolutions now.

  1. I will schedule more time in the gym to increase my strength, endurance, and cardio health.
  2. I will continue to eat healthy and continue to keep track of my food.
  3. I will continue to study the Maxwell information and get certified in March.
  4. I will begin Master Mind Groups and start Personally Coaching.
  5. I will finish the study of John and begin a new study this Fall.
  6. I will have my office cleaned and organized by June.
  7. I will polish my chapter for the 2nd book and begin a 3rd book.
  8. I will continue to work with the clubs in my areas to promote their progress and build up their membership, and will investigate possible new clubs as well.
  9. I will get a triple crown award for educational goals met in Toastmasters.
  10. I will continue to work with my clients regarding their financial needs and seek out more people that would like my help.
  11. I will continue to add more students to my studio, and foster a feeling of accomplishment in all of them.
  12. I will seek to be efficient in my time.

Hmmm.  My resolutions last year looked like this:

  1. I hereby resolve that I will not pet Polar Bears on the Nose. (success!)
  2. I will not plant anything in my garden that demands weeding (Failed that, planted potatoes)
  3. I will always use revolving doors.  (Changed my mind on that one!)
  4. I will not drive down the Dodge Expressway blindfolded and backwards.  (another success!)
  5. I will not audition for American Idol. (success again!)
  6. I will spend no time in the hospital.  (oops.)

They were silly resolutions.  I had no plan, but I accomplished a lot.  What would happen if I made a plan and followed it?  I will post my resolutions where I can see them every day.  And of course, I will keep you informed on my progress.  Both of you!

Since it is the Holiday, everyone have a Merry Happy and a Christmas New Year.

On the Road again

I couldn’t believe it.  I was soooo happy for something like this to happen.  A couple of years ago, I would have thought someone who was looking forward to doing this activity was absolutely insane.  What was it?  I got on the stationary bike for 30 min.

??  Believe it or not it was a major step forward.  A while back, I would get on the bike and watch SVU with subtitles to take my mind off this odious task.  It was in no way pleasurable.  It was boring and it put my butt to sleep.  It tired me out and made me hurt the next day.  Who could look at that and be excited?

After I broke my hip last August, I was restricted to walking with crutches.  When they put that much metal in your hip, they have to move a lot of muscle and tendons to work on it.  This means there’s a lot of swelling and bruising, and the recovery time is long–6 months to a year.  It hurts.  It hurts to lie down, to sit, to stand, to walk, to drive…  But you soldier on.  The doctor was pleasantly surprised on how well I was moving.  The physical therapist was amazed to see how much weight I could put on it, and how well I articulated my foot.  I was confused.  I didn’t think I was making much progress at all.  I was frustrated.  It still hurt.  In fact it continues to hurt.  How was I to strengthen this leg?

xray-3-11-8-16-001

bionic hip

I was given some exercises to strengthen the leg and I did those when I went to the gym.

Of course, it occurred to me that it was silly to work just the leg angle when I could do a myriad of upper body exercises while I was there.  Granted, my forearms, shoulders and triceps were getting a workout from using the crutches, however I added biceps, back, abs, and chest exercises just to round things out.  One day, I did stand-ups from an inclined bench.  I lay down on the bench, sat up and continued into a standing position, then sat down again.  Sitting down without using my hands was new (and scary) but I didn’t have far to go to get my butt onto a surface, so I didn’t have to worry about falling.  The next week, I added a 10 lb. weight and a twist after I stood up.  I was getting stronger.

So last Tuesday, I rode the bike!  30 min!  Of course, it was level 1.  My trainer had me go 4 min on 1 and then boosted it up to lvl 5 for a minute.  I was SO excited.

I haven’t had as much water this week as I did last week.  I feel so dry now!  Need to drink some more.

I’m back to the weight I was when I started this journey 3 years ago.  208.9  Dam.  But I’m healing!  YAY!

 

And so it goes~

I love that song by Billy Joel.  …”In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong…”  Mine’s a bathroom.  It has a scale in it.

Isn’t that weird.  The only thing in my life that shows whether I’m progressing (positively or negatively) is an inanimate object that just gives me a number?  My trainer asks me how I’m feeling.  My physical therapist asks me how I’m moving.  The doctors ask me if the pain is better.  My friends ask me how I’m holding up.  Those are answers I have to provide.  I must do a self reflection and review all my physical, mental and spiritual aspects and TELL people how I’m doing.  But I step on the scale and it tells me.  I look in the mirror and it tells me.  I walk up or down the stairs and my body tells me.  I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind tells me.  Then I reflect on what the scale, the mirror and the stairs tell me and my spirit responds.  What exactly do these things tell me?

The scale tells me that I am not eating correctly and getting enough activity in to burn calories.  It says, “Your weight is the same.” The mirror tells me that my stance is not balanced and that now my foot rolls out to compensate for walking on the crutch, and that my left leg cannot move backwards as far as my right.  So the mirror is saying, “You’re crooked and getting stiffer.”  The stairs tell me that every time I put weight on my left leg, my thigh is going to protest and my butt hurts.  They tell me, “Your muscles are still doing more than they can handle and will hurt while you keep using them.” My mind then makes the leap that I am not recovering as quickly as I ought.  Treacherous mind says, “You will be in pain forever!”  My spirit replies that it isn’t a calendar that measures the time it takes to heal.  Who cares if it is 2 months or 2 years?  The doctor says that the bone is healing well.  Then the barometer drops and I feel like I’ve re-broken the bone.  And so it goes…and the only one who knows is the scale.

“to heal the wounds of workouts past, until a new one comes along…”  I tried an experiment, and lo and behold it didn’t work.  It was the crutch work out.  It became easier and easier for me to move around on the crutches and so I didn’t get the workout I thought I was getting.  Then I moved to 1 crutch and it took even less effort.  Then I realized that part of the difference in my weight drop was the amount of water I was drinking.  So I increased the water per day and that helped some.  But still, it doesn’t matter that I’ve been in constant pain for nearly 4 months.  How do I feel?  I hurt.  I’m stiff, and if I sit or sleep or stand for any length of time, it hurts worse.  I cannot walk without support of a crutch or a cane.  But I still go to the gym to do my PT exercises.  And because I’m mostly inert now, my calorie count has to go down while my water intake has to go up.  And so it goes…  Stupid scale.  The problem I’m facing is that cheating is not an option.  1 cheat on the nutritional plan costs me months to recover.  That means only 1 slice of pizza, only 1/2 cup of soda, only a 3 oz burger.  No exceptions.  No cake…

“I spoke to you in cautious tones…”  Don’t you DARE go up you confounded scale.  “You answered me with no pretense…”  How badly do you want to feel down the road?  Put down that 2nd slice of pizza!  “And still I feel I said too much, my silence is my best defense.”  “But it’s my birthday,” I squeaked, holding back the sobs.

“And every time I’ve held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns…”  Yes, I’m moving around better on my 1 crutch, yes I can take a shower without help into the bathtub, and yes, I can dress myself.  But, I don’t think I can put enough weight onto my left leg without collapsing, and I hurt.  That’s what I focus on.  Not the progress I’ve made, but the progress I haven’t.  “And so it goes, and so it goes, but I will suffer I suppose…”

“But if my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake…”  So I don’t write on my measurable progress blog because no one reads it or looks at it anyway, but maybe someone needs to see they’re not alone in their troubles and there’s someone out here that is going through the same challenges.  What if the person that needs to see this is just getting introduced to this material and I decide not to continue my whining or journaling my progress?  That would be my worst mistake.  “So I will share this room with you, and you can have this heart to break.”  If no one responds, my heart will be hurt, but I must be brave enough to risk it.

“And this is why my eyes are closed, it’s just as well for all I’ve seen.”  I’ve been on this path for a long time and have not made measurable progress except now I am bigger.  So I don’t want to look in the mirror, look at the scale, traverse the stairs or wake up in the middle of the night.  I know I have to go through failure to get to success, but it’s been a much longer road than I anticipated.  I am on the road, but I’m not looking at the scenery.  “And so it goes, and so it goes, and you’re the only one who knows.”  Just my scale and those who accidentally read my blog.

“So I would choose to be with you, that’s if the choice is mine to make.  But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break.”  So I will continue to blog on this site.  You can read it or not, take it to heart or not, respond or not.

“And so it goes, and so it goes…and you’re the only one who knows.”

With apologies to Billy Joel.

208.1 pounds