New Ad Campaign!

I see you hiding behind the curtains. I see you with your 42 empty pizza boxes and cases of beer cans. I see you in your sweats with the stains on the front. Yeah You! You who haven’t seen the light of day in 2-3 months. You who don’t even bother to go out to get the mail. You who put a lovely picture of yourself on your site with your hair combed and your make-up on while you sit scrolling Face Book for 8 hours a day in your ponytail and bits of your pizza at the corners of your mouth.

You are going to need a coach to help you! Daniel will help you rebuild those atrophied muscles. Rebekah will bring you recipes and ingredients for wholesome dinners. Ron will drop by with a news paper with real news in it and read it to you so you can begin learning how to have actual conversations again. Jo will get you into home crafts like knitting and crocheting to help you relearn how to take directions. Bob will help you to reintegrate with your coworkers (who are mostly in the same sad shape you’re in) so you can begin to work together again. Mark and Betty will be over to help you weed your garden and get your lawn back in shape. Beverly will help you get your laundry done. Eagle and Sean will help you get all that accumulated garbage into the dumpster.

We are the Post-Shitstorm Team and we will get you back into civilization!

Call 1-800-555-HELP and we’ll be over.