It’s so easy…

I thought you were going to blog every day, or at least every other day?  What happened

um

A great man once said, “If it’s easy to do, it’s easy NOT to do.”

It’s easy to drink a gallon of water every day.  It’s easy to go on a walk every day.  It’s easy to do 10 push-ups, lets do 15.  It’s easy to just clean up after yourself.  It’s easy to just write down what you need to do the night before.  It’s easy to make phone calls and get business set up.  It’s easy to choose healthy foods and fun to cook.  It’s easy to just set a time every day to write something in your blog. It’s also easy to think, “who cares what I write, or whether I walk or drink a gallon of water? Who cares if I make my phone calls, no one cares about making or saving money anyway…they’ve all given up or they think they can do it better than someone that has studied for years to learn this stuff.  When am I ever going to need to be strong enough to do ANY push ups?  Why should I clean when no one ever comes here?”  It gets to be nasty stuff that I say to myself.  It’s the same stuff I repeat from what I heard as a child.  I don’t enter things in the county/state fair because it doesn’t matter to anyone but me.  I don’t make the Christmas baskets I used to because it doesn’t matter to anyone but me.  I don’t put up 1000 jars of jelly because the only one that appreciates home made jelly is me.  I don’t practice my instrument and I won’t go back for lessons because music only matters if you’re a star, and then it doesn’t have any world wide importance.  I’m not brave enough to don a Lady Gaga outfit and play a trumpet concerto in front of people.  It’s ok to have an electronic bugle at military funerals, because it doesn’t have real meaning anyway.  These things have no significance to anyone but me, and I don’t matter.  When I get comments like, “You’re so TALENTED!” or “You’re so SMART,” I down play them.  My response is, “What a stupid thing to be good at.” I am amazing at things when there’s no competition.  There’s no competition because these are not things anyone wants to get good at.  This is the point where depression sets in.  Why would anyone in their right mind depress themselves?!! 

How do you get passed this?  Oh… read someone else’s blog. AGoebel’s blog and Ithilen’s blog always get me up.  I think it’s easier to fail and expect it than to try to succeed, expect success and then fail and be surprised.  When you don’t succeed, you lower the bar, and sooner or later, it becomes a ditch instead–full of stinky water and leeches.  When you expect failure, you say, “hmmm, this stinky water kinda looks like pop, or tea, and I don’t mind the leeches too much, they’re company at least.”  ARGH  How could anyone live like that?

My friend, Randy, described it this way:  It’s the 2nd place curse.  When you get 1st place, you get the big trophy and the applause and the pats on the backs.  When you get 3rd place, you’re ok, but you understand you might not have given it your best effort and you know what to do to improve.  But with 2nd place, you think it might have been the judges; it might have been my dress, or that croissant I had that morning.  It might have been just 2 points difference.  And you try again.  It’s like bowling a 299, or getting assistant principal, or co-manager…almost enough.  I don’t think of it as a curse.  I think of it as a license to fail, just a little bit.  It nags you to try again, to keep going, to finish the race.  It really doesn’t matter if what matters to me is important to anyone else.  My life should not be determined by the latest poll. 

BE IT HEREBY RESOLVED:  JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING DOESN’T “MATTER” IN THE WORLD DOESN’T MEAN IT SHOULDN’T “MATTER” TO ME.  Who I am matters to some people, and what I do contributes to who I am.  Even if what I am good at, and what I do seems trivial in the overall scheme of things doesn’t mean that that little niche shouldn’t be filled.  I will go for 1st place, and will be delighted with 2nd, or even 3rd.

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